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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications.

The graph demonstrates the amount of money earned by graduates in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups. It compares three types of
qualifications
Use synonyms
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 higher
degrees
Use synonyms
, first
degrees
Use synonyms
, and other
qualifications
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
earnings
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
 significantly with
age
Use synonyms
 up to around 40 years old, after which they either
stabilize
Change the spelling
stabilise
show examples
 or decline.
However
Linking Words
, people with higher
degrees
Use synonyms
 tend to see another rise in income later in life.
Firstly
Linking Words
, graduates with a first degree earn slightly less than those with higher and other
qualifications
Use synonyms
 in the early stages. Their income rises sharply from about 360 at
ages
Use synonyms
 21–25 to approximately 700 at
ages
Use synonyms
 36–40. After that, their
earnings
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
 more gradually.
Similarly
Linking Words
, people with other
qualifications
Use synonyms
 show a notable
increase
Use synonyms
, from around 420 at
ages
Use synonyms
 21–25 to a peak of about 810 at
ages
Use synonyms
 36–40, which is the highest among all groups.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point, their
earnings
Use synonyms
 begin to decline.
In contrast
Linking Words
, individuals with higher
degrees
Use synonyms
 start at a similar level to first-degree holders but experience a steady
increase
Use synonyms
. After the
age
Use synonyms
 of 52, their
earnings
Use synonyms
 rise significantly, surpassing
the
Correct pronoun usage
those of the
show examples
 other groups. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 most graduates reach their highest
earnings
Use synonyms
 around the
age
Use synonyms
 of 40, only those with higher
degrees
Use synonyms
 continue to see substantial growth in their salaries later in life.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, qualifications, degrees, earnings, increase, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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