IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the price in Euros of four types of bread per kilogram in one European country from 2001 to 2005. Summarize the information and make comparison where relevant.

The given graph represents four types of
bread
Use synonyms
 priced in
Use synonyms
Euro
Check wording
euros
show examples
 per kilogram in a European country from 2001 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
bread
Use synonyms
 prices saw a slight fluctuation throughout the period, except the
price
Use synonyms
 of white
bread
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 kept rising over the years. To start with, the
price
Use synonyms
 of Wholegrain
bread
Use synonyms
 began at 0.8
Euro
Use synonyms
 in 2001 before hitting the peak in the next year at 1.8
Euro
Use synonyms
, and dived throughout the
periods
Check wording
period
show examples
 to the lowest
price
Use synonyms
 in 2004 at even a cheaper cost than its starting one (less than 0.8).
However
Linking Words
, the number slightly improved to 0.8
Euro
Use synonyms
 again in 2005. As for Brown
bread
Use synonyms
, the
price
Use synonyms
 started at 0.6
Euro
Use synonyms
 before skyrocketing to about 1.5 Euros in 2002. After that, the
price
Use synonyms
 had fluctuated until 2005, and ended up at 1.6 Euros.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of White
bread
Use synonyms
 had been steadily increasing throughout the given years, reaching 1.3 Euros in 2005
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the highest
price
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of Rye
bread
Use synonyms
 was quite stable at around 0.6
Use synonyms
Euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 throughout the five years in question.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bread, euro, price with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: