IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.\Do you agree or disagree?

The
growth
Use synonyms
 of online shopping will
oneday
Correct your spelling
one day
 lead to all
shops
Use synonyms
 in
twons
Correct your spelling
towns
 and cities closing. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because online shopping makes
people
Use synonyms
buy
Verb problem
to buy
show examples
 things
easier and cheaper
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
One
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 of the main reasons is that online shopping makes
people
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buy
Verb problem
to buy
show examples
items
Use synonyms
easier
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that
people
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 would choose to buy
items
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 on online shopping.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 want
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new shoes
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they do not know which
one
Use synonyms
 is good for them. Customers can see in the
discription
Correct your spelling
description
 of shoes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which
one
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makes
Wrong verb form
is made
show examples
 for doing exercise or walking.
This
Linking Words
 makes
people
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 choose to
shopping on
Wrong verb form
shop
show examples
 online. Online shopping
growth
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 everyday, and
one
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 day will lead to all
shops
Use synonyms
 in
towns
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 . Another important reason is that online shopping
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
coupon
Fix the agreement mistake
coupons
show examples
 and
promotion
Check wording
promotions
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
items
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on online cheaper
Correct word order
are cheaper online
show examples
 than
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shops
Change preposition
in shops
show examples
 in
towns
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 choose to buy
items
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and online shopping will
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growth
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
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 go to buy
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 in the
towns
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 but
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
computer
Punctuation problem
, computer
show examples
 that have the same specification but cheaper than in the
towns
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.
People
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 would buy
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online because it is cheaper
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it
is have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the same specification.
This
Linking Words
 makes online marketing
Use synonyms
growth
Replace the word
grow
,
people
Use synonyms
 will buy things
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. In conclusion, the
growth
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 of online shopping will
one
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 day lead to all
shops
Use synonyms
 in
towns
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 and cities closing. In my opinion, I totally agree that online shopping will
Use synonyms
growth
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 very fast untill oneday lead all the
shops
Use synonyms
 in
towns
Use synonyms
 because online shopping makes
items
Use synonyms
 cheaper and easier to buy.

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task response
Answer the question in a more full way. You agree, but you should also say why some shops may still stay open, then show why you still agree.
task response
Make each main idea more clear. Use one clear topic sentence, then explain it, then give one good example.
task response
Use more exact examples. Your examples are on topic, but they are a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, but some ideas repeat. Try not to say the same point again and again.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Use simple words like first, also, because, so, and however in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word order. Some parts are hard to follow, so the reader must stop and read again.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You use two main reasons: online shopping is easier and cheaper. This helps your answer stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like one of the main reasons, another important reason, for example, and in conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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