IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opininos.

Sustainble development
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Sustainable Development
 Goals under
United
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the United
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Nation conceder human's
Correct word order
Nations consider human
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 rights
is
Verb problem
apply
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to have
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 , safe and good quality of life. These services should be provided by the
goverment
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government
 to their
poupulation
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population
.
In
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This
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this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both view the
significant
Replace the word
significance
 of paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services, and the other view that high
taxes
Use synonyms
 affect
people
Use synonyms
's salaries. On the one hand, every country in the world have differnt methods to raise the income. The gross domestic product
differ
Correct subject-verb agreement
differs
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 from one country to another. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, paying
taxes
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 to the
goverment
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government
 is necessary to control
human's
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human
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 needs.
However
Linking Words
, health care services need
high
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a high
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 annual budget,
due to
Linking Words
 the raises of disease.
In addition
Linking Words
, education should be updated and
uses
Wrong verb form
use
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 new technologies and tools.
Eventhough
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Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 roads
one
Verb problem
are one
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 of the
must
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most
show examples
 important
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things that
show examples
 should be focus by the ministry to
safe
Use the right word
save
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people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, paying high
taxes
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specially
Rephrase
, especially
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 for low salaries employee that affect their life.
In particular
Linking Words
, high stress policies on
people
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 keep them
anxtious
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anxious
 and affect their mental health.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the
effeciancy
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efficiency
 and performance of work will be
unsatisfied
Replace the word
unsatisfactory
,
due to
Linking Words
 having other
duty
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duties
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 to raise income.
Morover
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Moreover
, family expenses
increases
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increase
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 rapidly year by year. Kids and adults need growth
specially
Rephrase
, especially
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 with social media comparison. In my opinion,
Population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 should be paying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for the
goverment
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government
 to get high quality of essential
serives
Correct your spelling
services
, but the
taxes
Use synonyms
 should be affordable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to not affect their monthly
expensess
Correct your spelling
expenses
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about tax for public services and high tax problems, but both sides need more clear detail.
task response
Give your own opinion more clearly and earlier. Keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Add one or two simple examples, like hospitals, bus roads, or school books, to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are hard to follow because the grammar and word order are not clear.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You stay on the topic of tax and public services.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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