IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Which band score would you give be depending on IELTS criteria Some people say the main way be happy in life is to have a lot of money How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things that make people happy? That is the topic

Some individuals say that being wealthy is the main trajectory that leads to
happiness
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. A large amount of
money
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 can make
people
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 feel well because it makes their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 more comfortable in many cases.
Although
Linking Words
money
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 is a reason for
happiness
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, there are various ways to represent
happiness
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,
such
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 as health and
life
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 success. Wealth is a powerful source of
happiness
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, which sufficiently guarantee comfortable
life
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 for
people
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 and facilitate
people
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'slives ,
therefore
Linking Words
 they become happier.
However
Linking Words
, there are many aspects that
money
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 can positively affect. Accommodation, which is totally related to wealth,
for example
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,
people
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 who are living in poor neighborhoods are totally alternative from those who live in expensive neighborhoods because there are difference in
life
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 quality and security, as the neighborhood high level as the
life
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 quality and security scale up, so it is a synchronous equation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, education can be improved by
money
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 studies show that rich countries are gaining better education
in
Change preposition
, as a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they are more knowledgeable, which causes
happiness
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. The majority of
people
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 are not rich enough, but that does not mean they can not be happy. There are various things that make
people
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 happy,
such
Linking Words
 as health and well-being, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not connected to
money
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,
Punctuation problem
. People
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people
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 who are not suffering from physical and mental problems are happy because they can live normally without
bain
Correct your spelling
pain
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, success is high dopamine source, which cause
happiness
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, when
people
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 achieve their goals even though it is easy they feel happy. In conclusion, wealth can make
people
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 happier, but there are sources of
happiness
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 which are not require
money
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. Be accurate 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. Say more about how money brings joy, and more about other things that bring joy.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas for each body part. Put one main point first, then explain it, then give one short example.
task response
Some examples are too broad or not clear enough. Give real and direct examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some long lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence fits the main point of the paragraph.
task response
You answered both parts of the task.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple paragraph plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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