IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As technology has advanced, there is almost no gender difference when applying for any job in any sector. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off between finishing school and starting
university
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly common among young people.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that
this
Linking Words
 practice is unproductive, I largely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as a gap
year
Use synonyms
 can provide valuable personal and professional development. One of the main advantages of taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off is the opportunity to gain real-world experience. Many
students
Use synonyms
 use
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 to work, travel, or volunteer, which allows them to develop important life skills
such
Linking Words
 as independence, responsibility, and communication.
For instance
Linking Words
, working in a different environment can help individuals understand workplace expectations and improve their confidence, which can be beneficial when they begin their
university
Use synonyms
 studies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a gap
year
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 make more informed decisions about their future careers. Many school leavers are unsure about which field to pursue, and going straight to
university
Use synonyms
 may lead to dissatisfaction or even dropping out. By taking
time
Use synonyms
 to explore different interests,
students
Use synonyms
 are more likely to choose a course that aligns with their goals and abilities, ultimately leading to better academic performance.
However
Linking Words
, it is true that some
students
Use synonyms
 may not use
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 effectively and could lose their academic focus. Without proper planning, a gap
year
Use synonyms
 might become unproductive.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 largely depends on the individual’s motivation and how the
time
Use synonyms
 is managed. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off may seem like a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 to some, I believe it is a valuable opportunity for growth and self-discovery. When used wisely, it can better prepare
students
Use synonyms
 for both
university
Use synonyms
 and their future careers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response: your answer is clear, but you can add one more strong example to make your ideas fuller.
task response
For task response: you answer both sides, but your main view can be a little stronger in the middle of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay is easy to follow, but you can use a few more linking words between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the third paragraph is good, but one sentence to connect it more clearly to your main view would help.
task response
For task response: you answer the question well and keep your opinion clear from start to end.
task response
For task response: your ideas are relevant and you give a good real-life example about work and life skills.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your points easily.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender difference = gap between men and women
  • apply for a job = ask to get a job
  • sector = area of work
  • ability = skill to do something
  • qualification = exam result or training
  • physical strength = body power
  • office-based work = work done in an office
  • remote work = work done from home
  • hiring process = steps to choose a worker
  • equal opportunity = same chance for everyone
  • workplace culture = the way people act at work
  • care duties = looking after children or family
  • role model = a person others can learn from
  • gender bias = unfair view about men or women
  • merit = good quality and ability
  • promotion = move to a higher job
  • leadership position = top job in a company
  • science and technology fields = jobs in science and tech
  • income gap = difference in pay
  • to a large extent = mostly
  • not entirely = not fully
  • remain = still exist
What to do next:
Look at other essays: