IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

If the price of
petrol
Use synonyms
 increases, it can be the best solution for
rise
Replace the word
rising
traffic
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 and ecological
problems
Use synonyms
 too.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 I fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
opinion,
for solving
Wrong verb form
to solve
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 and pollution
problems
Use synonyms
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need built more
roads
Use synonyms
 and motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to use more electric
car
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
petrol
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
car
Check wording
cars
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that increasing the price of
petrol
Use synonyms
 can solve growing
traffic
Use synonyms
 and pollution
problems
Use synonyms
, but I think
this
Linking Words
 is a wrong idea. The first reason is that individuals who already own a
car
Use synonyms
 will not reduce their travel demand merely
as a result
Linking Words
 of rising
petrol
Use synonyms
 prices.
People
Use synonyms
 will continue to spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gasoline or diesel fuel and refuse yourself in other needs.
Next,
Linking Words
if
people
Use synonyms
 refuse to
Verb problem
buy
show examples
a
Use synonyms
car
Punctuation problem
car,
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 they will start using public transport, which can caused large crowd.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 places are the best situation for
dissemination
Correct article usage
the dissemination
show examples
 of different viruses and illnesses. I am convinced that to solve
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam, the government should build more new
roads
Use synonyms
 and fix old ones. I think that a significant amount of
traffic
Use synonyms
cork
Correct your spelling
congestion
 occurred because the road is full of potholes, and
also
Linking Words
 the
roads
Use synonyms
 often lack an extra lane or ring road. Regarding ecological
problems
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can start using electrical vehicle. Almost every famous
brand of
Correct word order
car brand has
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 produced an
electrical
Correct word choice
electric
show examples
 alternative vehicle.
Such
Linking Words
 cars do not emit gases into the atmosphere,
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 there is almost a safe
variant
Check wording
choice
show examples
 for the environment. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light of these facts,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with the statement that increasing the price of
petrol
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will solve
traffic
Use synonyms
 and ecological
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 will not reduce their
car
Use synonyms
 use and will spend a considerable
number
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of their revenue on
petrol
Use synonyms
. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that constructing and mending
roads
Use synonyms
 can solve
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 with
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams, and using
electric
Correct article usage
an electric
show examples
car
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can decrease air pollution.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say your view, and you give other ways, but the ideas need more detail.
task response
Explain why your ideas work. For example, say how better roads can cut traffic, and how electric cars can cut air pollution.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your points are mostly general, so the essay feels less strong.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas in a clear way: one paragraph for why you disagree, one for other measures, and keep one main idea in each part.
coherence and cohesion
Link sentences more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, because, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not connect well, like the point about viruses on public transport. Make sure each point clearly supports your main answer.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, not only one part.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order, so the reader can follow your main message.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
What to do next:
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