IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.

These charts show how many Japanese tourists visit abroad from 1985 to 1995 and the proportion of those
people
Use synonyms
 who come to Australia
throughout
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1984
and
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1994.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
japanese
Fix capitalization
Japanese
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who like
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to other countries gradually increase along the
years
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other chart
also
Linking Words
 gives
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 pattern
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 eventually
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 the highest share at 1994 before the end of the year. The
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
number of people
show examples
 from
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
 who like visiting
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 gradually
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
years
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
at just
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 5
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 to over
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
15
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
people
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 approximately
more than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
10 millions rising.
Small
Correct article usage
A small
show examples
 drop appears in the middle of the
years
Use synonyms
, specifically in 1991, but there is no
notably
Replace the word
notable
 effect of drowning for the next
years
Use synonyms
. The other graph
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 tells about Australia's share of Japan's tourist market
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
 gives
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 pattern, which
rise up
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
 from 2% to around 6% with a small drop of below 1% at 1989. At early
years
Use synonyms
, the percentage notably climbs up
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas tourists
  • chart analysis
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • tourist trends
  • economic factors
  • promotional activities
  • visa policies
  • cultural influences
  • social factors
  • culmination of trends
  • speculation
  • preference shifts
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