IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

It is absolutely true that both
schools
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 for older
students
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 and younger
students
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 have two months or more than the summer vacation.
However
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, in
this
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 crucial decision, there are both merits
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as well as
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and
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 demerits.
This
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 essay will discuss them in detail with a summary. On the one hand, a major advantage is that scholars who learn in
schools
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 can
minimize
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minimise
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 their stress levels because they have to learn all the time during the day. The major reason for
that is
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 that
learners
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 have exams in the
schools
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 to pass the next grade
according to
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 their knowledge.
Consequently
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,
learners
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 become mentally stressed because of their hard exams
and
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, and
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 they
also
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 need to study with a short sleeping time. The prime example of
that is
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 that at present most of the
students
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 do not smile at others, and that
learners
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 do not play outdoor games with their friends. They act like as bored. So I think
school
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 leaders should give the
school
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 proper
school
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 vacations for
students
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 to enjoy their
life
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lives
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 as children.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages for above concept.
Students
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 who learn in educational institutions become academically weak when they have long
school
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 vacations. The major reason for
that is
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 that
learners
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 have gone away from their study sessions they may become bored with learning in
schools
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.
As a result
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,
students
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 who perform best in
schools
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 become less performant student beacause of those vacations.
Hence
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 government should decide to give well plannes vacation for these children.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Write one full main idea for long holidays and one full main idea for short holidays.
task response
Make your ideas more clear. Some lines are hard to follow, so use short and direct sentences.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Your example about students not smiling is not strong enough.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic plan, but linking is weak. Use simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point better. Explain how and why before you give the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your end is very short. Add a clear final view that sums up both sides.
task response
You answer both sides of the question, which is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear paragraph order with an introduction, body, and ending.
task response
You try to give reasons and an example to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
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