IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

Few
Correct article usage
A few
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 individuals opine that
students
Use synonyms
ought to
Verb problem
should
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 be allowed
,
Wrong verb form
to
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study
Use synonyms
 whatever they want to learn
by
Change preposition
at
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 all universities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others think
,
Correct word choice
that
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 they should
study
Use synonyms
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
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 modules which are designed by the
university
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will be helpful in the future,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 science and technology. I believe,
students
Use synonyms
 have
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 right
regarding
Change preposition
to decide
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 what they want to learn and how they wanna build themselves in literacy. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
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, if
students
Use synonyms
 studied from the
university
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the field of science and technology,
then
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they
enable
Verb problem
are able
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 to get well maintained life. To justify it more,
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such as,
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Artificial Intelligency on the peak of
the learn
Replace the word
learning
 these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of skills
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can apply for
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 job. Even, they can
numerous
Verb problem
have numerous
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 opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
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 distinct positions in
this
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 field.
For example
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, most of the UK universities
,
Wrong verb form
have
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 designed some modules for
students
Use synonyms
 in these
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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,
there
Correct word choice
so
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students
Use synonyms
 cannot change their
subjects
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their choice because of
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 restrictions.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I believe, people get forced and their mental health can
disturbed
Verb problem
be disturbed
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 allows
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 whatever they want, their performance can improve in studies.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can learn without any burden, owing to
,
Check wording
the fact that
show examples
 few
students
Use synonyms
 have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in art
,
Correct word choice
and
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 music
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Then
Linking Words
, they get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to show that.
Moreover
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,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 ensure to enhance both skillls cognitive and critical skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can
stasified
Wrong verb form
satisfy
show examples
 from their life because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can enter that occupation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they want to make themselves successful.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the USA, in most of the universities, people have
to right
Correct word order
the right to
show examples
 choose
subjects
Use synonyms
 in their studies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they perform well with higher grades. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they have to
study
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
 rules
yet
Punctuation problem
, yet
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,
according to
Linking Words
 me, they can enjoy their studies through choosing
subjects
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they want to learn
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as art and many more.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why each side is good or bad in a direct way.
task response
Make your own opinion clear from start to end. Keep the same view in all parts.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Some ideas are there, but they need fuller support.
task response
Use examples that are simple and clear. Explain how each example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but many lines still feel broken.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer commas. Too many commas make the flow weak.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples from real places like the UK and the USA.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to show paragraph direction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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