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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that universities should focus only on academic subjects, while others think they should also teach practical skills such as communication, teamwork, and time management. 👉 Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by many that college education should be limited to academic subjects,
while
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 others believe that the curriculum should
also
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 include a number of soft
skills
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. In my opinion, universities should provide both formal education related to specific fields of study and extracurricular
activities
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 that help students develop practical
skills
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. On the one hand ,people who opt for
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academics
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a
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 strict
collage
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academic college
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 do so because they believe that non-academic
activities
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 are major distractions ,
that
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which can subsequently
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subsequently
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 can lead to lowering their scores.
For
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 in very demanding
collage
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colleges
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such
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 as medical schools ,
student
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students
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 feel the urge to study
continously
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continuously
 to the extent that they find even the smallest
activities
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destracting
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distracting
.So ,in
such
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a school
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school
Punctuation problem
school,
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this
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 believe of strict
academics
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 is widely popular .
On the other hand
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 ,having some addissional
activities
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 next to the area of specialty has a lot of benefit .first of all ,it gives the students a space to relive thier stress and relax .
secondly
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 , it helps build personalty and soft
skills
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 which ultimatly will leads to better job opprtonities in the future .
for example
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 ,many students who achived a high grads in school complain of difficulty in finding a job
due to
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 lack of communication and soft
skills
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 .for these reasons ,i strongly believe that
academics
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 and non
academics
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skills
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 should go side by side .
to conclude
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 ,focusing only on studies is a fixed belive adopted by many as they find other activitis rather distracting .
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however
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However
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,I strongly
belive
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believe
 that
extracurrucular
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extracurricular
activities
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a must for our mental health and
also
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 to secure a job in the future . rate it please

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The first side is short, but the second side has more ideas.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all body parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your examples are good, but they need more detail and must be easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas with clear topic sentences. One main idea in one part is better.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words more carefully. Some are good, but punctuation and spacing make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
Check the order of ideas. Some lines are hard to follow because many ideas are put together in one long sentence.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
task response
You used some examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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