IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

An increasing number of people have started to discuss whether students who live in
low income
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low-income
families
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 are equipped with
batter
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better
show examples
 problem-solving
skill
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skills
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. From my perspective,
children
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 who are born in wealthy
families
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 have
batter
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better
show examples
 problem-solving ability. Among numerous reasons supporting my idea, the primary one is that
children
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 from wealthy
families
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 have more diverse learning opportunities, so they can learn how to cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems. Take Taiwan’s educational environment,
for example
Linking Words
,
Our
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our
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 society has many private lessons,which are very expensive. Rich parents can pay more money for their
children
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 to acquire professional
knowledges
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knowledge
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, so if they have more
experiences
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experience
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, they are likely to have
batter
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better
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 judgment.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates that learners can
impove
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improve
 their problem-solving ability through professional instructions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals from wealthy
families
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are
Verb problem
apply
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often benefit
their
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from their
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 parents’
connection
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connections
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, allowing them to reduce errors and deal with problems effectively.
Overall
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, the advantage of
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
 not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 judgment, but
also
Linking Words
reduce more
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 errors
effectively
Rephrase
more effectively
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. Those who hold different views might maintain that
children
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 from middle- or low- income
families
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 usually lack resources,
such
Linking Words
 as education. When they face challenges, they will be more motivated to tackle problems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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because they do not have support, which fosters their independence. Even though their argument is valid to a
certains
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certain
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 degree, we should not forget that independence and problem-solving capability are not directly related.
Moreover
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, they should cope with challenges by themselves,
and
Correct word choice
which
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 might cause more mistakes.
Therefore
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,
children
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 brought up by wealthy parents have numerous advantages, rather than
middle
Correct pronoun usage
those in middle
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- or low- income
families
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. In conclusion, I believe that financial resourse is a crucial reason for
children
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 improving their solving
skill
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skills
show examples
,
whereas
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 some people might not see to see with me.

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task response
Make your main view very clear from start to end. Your first line says one topic, but the essay question asks about adult life problems and rich or poor family background.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say how far you agree or disagree, and keep this same view in all body parts.
task response
Give more clear support for each main idea. Some points are stated, but not fully explained.
task response
Use examples that fit the question more closely. The Taiwan example is useful, but it should link more clearly to adult life problems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. At times, the jump from one sentence to the next is too quick.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. Some sentences repeat the same idea in a new way.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, but do not use too many. Words like 'moreover' and 'therefore' are good when the meaning is exact.
task response
You clearly show your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
You include a real world example, which is good for support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to connect ideas across the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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