IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some believe that strict laws are necessary to control pollution , whereas others think that individuals should take personal responsibility to protect the environment . Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some argued that strict laws are necessary to control pollution,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that individuals should take personal responsibility to protect the environment. In my opinion, both measures are
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
,
although
Linking Words
 government regulations play a more significant role. On the one hand, governments should
introduse
Correct your spelling
introduce
 strict laws to
contorl
Correct your spelling
control
 pollution, because only
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can regulate large companies and factories. They can force companies follow the rules, if the will not do that state may fine them. Another reason
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that industrial activities
produse
Correct your spelling
produce
 pollution on a much larger scale than individual actions.
For example
Linking Words
, many factories and power plants produce a large number of emissions,
Linking Words
that is
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to significant deterioration of air quality.
That is
Linking Words
 why only governments can effectively control these processes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people are responsible, because their daily actions have an impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. If every person changes their habits, it can lead to significant environmental improvements.
For instance
Linking Words
, people can
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 energy,
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 waste,
recycling
Replace the word
recycle,
 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 public transport.
Thus
Linking Words
, each person's contribution
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 important. In conclusion, despite the fact that the government's actions are more effective, the contribution of individuals is
also
Linking Words
 of great importance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all parts, not only in the introduction and end.
task response
Use one more clear example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences stop too suddenly or have small breaks.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are easy to see in each paragraph.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution
  • environment
  • law
  • rules
  • government
  • people
  • citizens
  • industry
  • factory
  • car
  • transport
  • air
  • water
  • waste
  • recycle
  • reuse
  • save energy
  • reduce
  • clean
  • health
  • cost
  • benefit
  • enforcement
  • standard
  • policy
  • duty
  • responsibility
  • choice
  • future
  • sustainable
  • emission
  • monitor
  • baseline
  • education
  • awareness
  • campaign
  • fair
  • equal
  • simple
  • clear
What to do next:
Look at other essays: