It is good for university students to take part in part time job. To what extent you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that it is great
college
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for college
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students
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to participate in a
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part
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part-time
time
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job
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job,
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while
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others think that
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pupils
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students
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have to focus on their studies. I assume that university
students
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should take
part
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in a
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part
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part-time
time
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job
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because it is important to learn real
work
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skills like management,
team
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teamwork
work
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and clear
talk
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communication
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with strangers.
However
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, if they
work
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too many hours,
this
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can lead to
lack
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a lack
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of study
time
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and sleep. On the one hand, some individuals assume that
pupils
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should be in
work
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because a
job
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can give
students
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extra money for food, books, travel and home rent.
In addition
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,
work
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experince
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experience
can make a
students
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cv stronger. After getting their diploma,
pupils
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with some
work
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experience may find it easier to get a
job
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.
For instance
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, many bosses are looking for people that familiar with jobs
and
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, and
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they are not hiring anyone
that
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who
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does not have any
experience
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experience,
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even
that
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if
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the person
is
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has
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just graduated.
On the other hand
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, many audiences believe that
students
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should not
work
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because they think that
pupils
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can feel tired and they cannot study for their upcoming exams.
Moreover
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, jobs can create a lack of sleep
due to
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extra working hours.
For example
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, many
students
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might come
their
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apply
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home very late because of their
job
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
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part
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part-time
time
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jobs can create some problems like lack of sleep and not being able to find
time
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to study, I assume that
students
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should
work
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because they can learn great skills for their future, they can
do
Verb problem
make
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their
cv
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CV
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stronger and
some
Verb problem
earn some
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extra money for their wants.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view through the essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one or two clear lines to explain how part-time work helps students and how too much work hurts study.
task response
Use more exact examples. Your examples are related, but they are general. Give one real and clear case for each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear. Start each body paragraph with one simple main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple words like first, also, for example, however, and as a result in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some ideas repeat, like sleep and study time. Try to say each point once and then explain it well.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion from the start.
task response
You included both good and bad sides of part-time jobs, which makes your response balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like on the one hand, on the other hand, and in conclusion help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time job
  • university student
  • work experience
  • real life skills
  • time management
  • team work
  • customer service
  • earn money
  • pay for books
  • daily costs
  • rent
  • lower stress
  • support family
  • strong CV
  • future career
  • full-time job
  • balance work and study
  • long work hours
  • low grades
  • feel tired
  • mental health
  • study plan
  • use time well
  • gain confidence
  • be more independent
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