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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Should governments continue to spend money on space exploration or should this be used for other purposes

In today’s fast-paced world,
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 has always attracted human imagination
due to
Linking Words
 the colossal and immeasurable nature of the vast universe.
While
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 it is widely believed that public investment should be invested into
space
Use synonyms
 technologies, others argue that authorities should spend their budget on improving
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of life across the globe. I strongly assume that
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 can be necessary and beneficial in the long run. On the one hand, some
opinions
Check wording
people
show examples
 believe that
space
Use synonyms
 research improves our lives. One of these benefits includes communication satellites that can assist people in connecting with their relatives or sharing information about world data. Another example of
this
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 is unmanned spacecraft, which can collect information about other planets or moons,
as well as
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 climatic changes or gravity.
This
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 can provide scientists with valuable data about changes in the environment.
On the other hand
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, the vast majority of people think
such
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 investment yields only short-term advantages and that funds must be used to solve issues on Earth
instead
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 of outer
space
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.
Although
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 it is sometimes considered short-sighted, in some
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
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 it is true
due to
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 the fact that
while
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 most of the world’s population suffers from starvation or various diseases, we should not
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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space
Use synonyms
exploration
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 financially.
Furthermore
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, if we fix some challenges
such
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 as
space
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 debris, which can collide with operational satellites, requiring continuous research and global cooperation.
To conclude
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, there have been different arguments about funding
space
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 technologies.
While
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 a minority of people believe that governments should spend their budgets on
space
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 research to develop modern technology, others argue that authorities should focus on improving the lives of their population
instead
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 of exploring outer
space
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. From my point of view, these two arguments are equally important;
however
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,
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 should not be neglected as it brings long-term benefits to humanity.

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task response
Your main view changes. At first, you say space spending is good. In the end, you say both sides are equal. Keep one clear view from start to end.
task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say why space should get money and why other needs on Earth may come first, then show clearly which side you support more.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. For example, say how satellites help schools, hospitals, weather reports, or farming.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, but some ideas do not link well. Make sure each body paragraph has one main point and a clear reason.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are hard to follow, especially in the second body paragraph. Check that each sentence is complete and fits the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: first, also, however, for example, as a result, in conclusion. Do not add ideas suddenly at the end of a paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You discussed both sides of the question, which helps answer the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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