IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

Labor
Change the spelling
Labour
show examples
 competition is rising in
this
Linking Words
 competitive world because older workers have to compete with younger
people
Use synonyms
 for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 job positions.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
grey
Correct article usage
the grey
show examples
 generation
unable
Verb problem
is unable
show examples
 to work
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem can be tackled by taking some
worth considering
Correct word choice
worthwhile
show examples
 measures. Which I gonna discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.
Initially
Linking Words
, there are multifarious problems because of
this
Linking Words
 cause
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 and most obvious is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 unemployment
, to
Punctuation problem
. To
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 justify it more, most
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 prefer to
higher
Verb problem
hire
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 younger workers because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 enthusiasm and they know about the recent technology. In
this
Linking Words
way
Punctuation problem
way,
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 older
people
Use synonyms
replaced
Verb problem
were replaced
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
, they got unemployed.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, most of
grey
Correct article usage
the grey
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people
Use synonyms
 are getting owing to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
awareness
Change preposition
of awareness
show examples
 of modern technology. They think they cannot perform well in the company.
As a result
Linking Words
, their organisation would in loss.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcome
 by some visible
sloutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
trainings
Check wording
training
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in organizations there should be
set
Correct article usage
a set
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 of rules regarding some training roles. In which provide training to grey individuals,
thus
Linking Words
, they can save their jobs
they
Correct word choice
, and they
show examples
 can earn.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies set training timesheets for everyone, so that they get
trainings
Check wording
training
show examples
 in every department. Which
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
 that grey masses can work in companies without any fear of losing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
their jobs
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 younger
people
Use synonyms
 are more energetic and more aware about new technologies,
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation adequate role in
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 with well experienc, if they
trained
Verb problem
are trained
show examples
 time by time.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about one main problem and one main solution, but you need more clear ideas for each part.
task response
Explain your ideas with more clear detail. Some sentences are hard to follow, so the main point is not always easy to understand.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more direct. Your country examples help, but they need better explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas in a more clear way. Start each body paragraph with one main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link sentences more smoothly. Some words like 'Initially' and 'Nevertheless' are good, but some sentence joins are not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because they affect flow. When grammar is weak, the reader cannot follow the line of thought well.
task response
You answer the topic and you give both a problem and a solution.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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