IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the government should pay for healthcare and education. However, others believe that it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The issue of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 by governments has been controversial. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should not be in charge of
this
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 I agree with those who think that
both
Use synonyms
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be
invested
Verb problem
funded
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views and provide ideas that support my perspective. On the one hand, it is commonly believed that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 investment are not
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
Use synonyms
. One of the most important reasons is that
this
Linking Words
 investment will probably affect
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 management of the
government
Use synonyms
 since spending
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
budgets
Check wording
budget
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 in order to improve
healthcare
Use synonyms
 or
education
Use synonyms
 systems will directly lead to
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 burden. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
 process tends to
increase
Verb problem
result in
show examples
 higher taxes that
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 2024, Thailand announced a policy about using public budget to develop
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 for
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 population.
As a result
Linking Words
, Thai
people
Use synonyms
 had to cope with
change
Correct article usage
a change
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 in a value added tax (V.A.T)
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was increased from 6.5% to 7%.
This
Linking Words
 example shows that decission to add more budget proportion in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 plays a major role in self decision of
people
Use synonyms
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
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 of the
government
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 funds should be paid for public service including
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system. The most significant reason is the fact that
both
Use synonyms
 systems are basic human rights.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to have a good quality of life. Access to
healthcare
Use synonyms
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to receive medical treatment and stay healthy,
while
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 assists
people
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gain
Change preposition
in gaining
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 knowledge and
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 their future opportunities. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in
Africa
Add a comma
Africa,
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 poor
people
Use synonyms
 may not be able to access
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services or
education
Use synonyms
 systems. With financial assistance from the
government
Use synonyms
, they can access basic medical services
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 children can attend schools. I definitely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point because spending funds for
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 will provide more chances to
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, having considered
both
Use synonyms
 views of issue,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that funding in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 is not
duty
Correct article usage
a duty
show examples
 of the
government
Use synonyms
, I agree with those who think that
healhcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 and
education
Use synonyms
 are crucial fundamental human rights which every human should be supported by their governments.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. The first side has one main idea only, so add one more clear reason.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. You do this well, but repeat it in the body in a simple way.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. Your Thailand example is good, but explain it more simply.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more clearly. A few sentences are hard to follow because the grammar is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, for example, however, and as a result.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used an example to support your idea.
task response
Your main opinion is easy to see.
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