IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

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There is no doubt that these days some countries
depending on limited
Wrong verb form
are limiting
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 the subjects of study for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle school students.The question is
there
Correct word choice
whether there
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any
Verb problem
are any
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 benefits from
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
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 the range of ? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I'm going to write about some of the positive sides , and
also
Linking Words
 my opinion. In terms of the
advantages
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advantages,
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 the
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 are in young age there are still fresh , they have more abilities to understand and more energy to
work
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.The main reason
going
Verb problem
apply
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to support
this
Linking Words
 main claim is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 level of
the
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apply
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education could
effect
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affect
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 positively , to illustrate
some
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, some
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government
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governments
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 add more
subject
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subjects
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 because they want
the
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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student
Use synonyms
 to learn
more
Rephrase
as much
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 as possible.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 they can be more capable to choose there career and what
to
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apply
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major they want at the University.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 we could say that how the
student
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 and parent help and
work
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togather
Correct your spelling
together
 could
also
Linking Words
 impact
on
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apply
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them in the future.In the
KSA
Punctuation problem
KSA,
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 the middle
Use synonyms
student
Check wording
school student
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 should take
class
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classes
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 about the most important subjects till the heigh school ,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 Science , Math , Arabic , Computer ,and English and other optional
like
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subjects like
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 Art .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 the range can play a huge role in Korea
they recored
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. They recorded
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 that
hight
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high
 school students had
a
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apply
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stress and pruture in young age ,
dul
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due to
 the extra
exam
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exams
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,
homework's , exelant
Correct word order
homework, and the pursuit of an excellent
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 degree and the thinking of getting to the university and
had
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having
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 a great job. Which is
to
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too
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 much to handle
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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for young people
and
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, and
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 here comes the disadvantages. In
conclusin
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conclusion
, it is
avidinet
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evident
 that the government should think carefully
with
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about
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 the young generation.
From
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In
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 my opinion the health
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 first , because it could
be effecting on
Verb problem
affect
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 my
work
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 and my results
,
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.
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 I can build a
secssful
Correct your spelling
successful
 life with both
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
 hard and
rest
Wrong verb form
resting
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 for a time .

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task response
Answer all parts of the question. You wrote about good and bad points, but you did not clearly compare the two school systems.
task response
Give a clear opinion all through the essay. At the end you say health is first, but you do not clearly say which system is better.
task response
Make your main ideas easier to understand. Some ideas are too general and not fully explained.
task response
Use examples that match your main point. The Korea example is useful, but explain it more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body paragraph. This will help the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some sentences do not connect well to the next sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. The second body paragraph mixes support, example, and new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, and this gives your essay a full shape.
task response
You try to use examples from real places like KSA and Korea.
task response
You show both sides of the topic, which is important for this question.
task response
Your opinion is present at the end, even if it needs to be clearer.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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