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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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The
government
Use synonyms
 of many countries is giving priority
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 economic development
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 other problems. The benefits of
this
Linking Words
 policy are more income
tax
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 and
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
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 of
Correct article usage
a
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positive image of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
, and the drawbacks are
other
Correct word choice
that other
show examples
 crucial issues are not solved efficiently
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their victims feel treated unfairly. The prime advantage of having enormous economic growth is that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will receive more
tax
Use synonyms
 funds. The higher economic development means the higher
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunities. When more people
work
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, they will pay income
tax
Use synonyms
 to the
government
Use synonyms
.
The another
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 main advantage is that
economic
Replace the word
economically
 developed infrastructure attracts more foreign investments
due to
Linking Words
 having
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 brand of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
. Multinational companies always prefer developed countries for their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 expansion as those
nations
Use synonyms
 have all
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 requirements to perform
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 activities.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 and financial development of Dubai, it’s one of the best
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 among other
middle east
Fix capitalization
Middle East
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
. The disadvantage of
this
Linking Words
 practice is that other important social problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as poverty, corruption,
increased
Correct word choice
and increased
show examples
 crime
rate
Punctuation problem
rate,
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 are being poorly treated. As a
government
Use synonyms
, it is
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 responsibility to look after
Use synonyms
state’s
Correct determiner usage
each state’s
show examples
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
problem faced by
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 people. The higher crime rate of
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 makes it
worst
Replace the word
worse
 to
work
Use synonyms
 and live peacefully
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
 the
state
Use synonyms
 is developed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people who are facing
proverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
 and become
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 of crime feel unfairly treated
while
Linking Words
 living in economic developed country.
As a result
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,as they might migrate to other states, it will be
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
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 loss of
state
Use synonyms
government
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,
although
Linking Words
 India is being developed economically, higher corruption leads
to their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 citizens to
moved
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 to other
nations
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the authorities of many
nations
Use synonyms
 are
focuing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 more on economic growth than other
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 national problems.
This
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 practice leads
higher
Change preposition
to higher
show examples
 income
tax
Use synonyms
 for regional
government
Use synonyms
 and create number of
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities,
while
Linking Words
 their citizens feel unfairly treated and migrate to somewhere else.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You give good points for both, but some ideas need more full explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Add one or two more clear links between ideas, so the essay feels smoother.
task response
Use examples with more clear detail, and show how they support your point.
task response
Keep your conclusion close to your full opinion, and do not add new points there.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
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