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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are an essential feature of modern education. Some people believe that certain subjects, such as mathematics, are better taught using computers. Others, however, think that there are aspects of education in which computer use is inadequate. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that online
classes
Use synonyms
 using
computers
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 are taught to be better in education,
while
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 others think that there are several areas where desktops are not necessary.
This
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 essay intends to discuss both my views and my opinion
will
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, which will
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 be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are myriad benefits of using
computers
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 in the education
systems
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system
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.
Firstly
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, these virtual
classes
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 are compulsory for students to attain a better understanding of the lessons.
This
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 means that
computers
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 provide a clear explanation of the topic with real examples, which can easily be understood by adolescents.
Secondly
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, many people can be taught by foreign mentors with the use of the internet. To cite an example, people who want to get great scores
from
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on
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 national exams get in contact with tutors from various countries.
On the other hand
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, there are several aspects where desktops are not able to perform.
First,
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these online screens are inadequate in classrooms, because they are not able to interact
between
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with
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 students.
However
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, communication is a crucial factor in children’s school lives
,
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;
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 that’s why parents should prefer to send children to
the
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apply
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school. What’s more, in
real-life
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real life,
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 offspring must be creative, physically strong, and can establish numerous notions
while
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 facing hazardous situations outdoors.
Finally
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, online
classes
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 are not suitable for physical education
classes
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such
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 as sports, yoga, and so on. In general, having discussed both ideas, from my perspective,
computers
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 and instructors are responsible for fostering knowledge
to
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in
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 the children. I believe that both virtuals and educators play a key
status
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role
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 in modern schooling.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk about both views, but your own opinion is not fully clear until the end.
task response
Give stronger support for each main idea. Some points are good, but they need more clear detail or one more example.
task response
Use ideas that match the question more exactly. The topic is about some subjects being better with computers, but your essay talks more about online classes in general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: intro, one side, other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well in many places, like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'On the other hand', and 'Finally'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect smoothly, so the flow is sometimes weak. Make sure each sentence follows the one before in a clear way.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
task response
You include an example about students learning from teachers in other countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the argument, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer
  • education
  • math
  • subject
  • teach
  • learn
  • teacher
  • student
  • class
  • classroom
  • use
  • help
  • good
  • bad
  • fast
  • slow
  • time
  • task
  • idea
  • point
  • test
  • quiz
  • study
  • group
  • talk
  • listen
  • read
  • write
  • practice
  • answer
  • problem
  • solution
  • online
  • offline
  • easy
  • hard
  • share
  • note
  • work
  • plan
  • need
  • should
  • can
  • may
  • done
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