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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The following charts
reveals
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
show examples
 the career paths pursued by UK graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did not enter full-time employment after leaving college in the year of 2008. Generally speaking, the pursuit of higher education is a common goal among
students
Use synonyms
 who are not employed full-time,
while
Linking Words
 volunteering remains the least popular option. Upon graduation, most
graduates
Use synonyms
 and postgraduates
decides
Correct subject-verb agreement
decide
show examples
 to continue their studies. The statistics reveal that 29,665
graduates
Use synonyms
 and 2,725 postgraduates have chosen to pursue
this
Linking Words
 path. The second most popular option for
students
Use synonyms
 is to do part-time work. The
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
 pursuing
this
Linking Words
 is almost half of the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of those pursuing
further
Linking Words
 studies at 17,735
graduates
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 working part-time is almost equivalent to those pursuing
further
Linking Words
 studies at 2,535.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 show the least interest in voluntary work. With only a mere 3,500
graduates
Use synonyms
 and 345 postgraduates undertaking it.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pursuit
  • temporary employment
  • voluntary work
  • further studies
  • part-time work
  • full-time employment
  • data representation
  • statistical comparison
  • post-educational paths
  • job market
  • unemployment rate
  • career advancement
  • skill development
  • lifelong learning
  • employment sector
  • vocational training
  • economic trends
  • workforce participation
  • career aspirations
  • higher education
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