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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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In many countries, the duration of
school
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holidays
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, especially the long summer break, is a topic of ongoing debate.
While
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 some advocate for long
school
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holidays
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, others believe that shorter breaks are more beneficial. Proponents of long
school
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holidays
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emphasize
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emphasise
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 the importance of
students
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' well-being. After a long and stressful academic year,
students
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 are often burdened with high levels of anxiety and pressure.
For example
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, many
students
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 may experience health issues
such
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 as insomnia or depression after finals. A long holiday provides them with the opportunity to relax, recharge, and focus on their personal interests. By engaging in hobbies and activities outside of
school
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,
students
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 can develop their creativity and talents, which are essential for their
overall
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 growth.
Moreover
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,
this
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 period of relaxation can contribute to a healthier and more well-rounded society, as
students
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 are more likely to grow into positive and kind individuals.
On the other hand
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, those who support shorter
school
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holidays
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 argue that
students
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 can make better use of their time in
school
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. A longer
school
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 year allows for more in-depth learning and skill development. In
school
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,
students
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 have access to a wealth of resources, including books, teachers, and peers. They can engage in discussions and collaborative projects, which enhance their social and intellectual skills.
For instance
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, group projects in
school
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 can teach
students
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 how to work effectively in teams, a skill
that is
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 highly valued in the modern workplace. In conclusion, both long and short
school
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holidays
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 have their merits. Long
holidays
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 are crucial for
students
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' mental and physical well-being,
while
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 shorter
holidays
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 can promote continuous learning and skill development. Schools should strike a balance between these two approaches to ensure that
students
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 receive a comprehensive education.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about long holidays well, but the part on shorter holidays could be a bit deeper.
task response
Give more direct reasons for shorter holidays, such as less forgetting, better study habits, and easier child care for parents.
task response
Use one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some ideas could link more smoothly from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some supporting points are a little general. Explain how each point leads to the result.
coherence and cohesion
You can use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like while, on the other hand, for example, and in conclusion well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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