IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that students should study only subjects that are useful for their future careers. Others argue that students should study subjects they are interested in. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the government should spend more money on public transportation.
However
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, others say that building more
roads
Use synonyms
 is the best option to deal with
traffic
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 jams. In my opinion, building more
roads
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 and bridges is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 solution. I will discuss both views.
To begin
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 with, building more highways and bridges can solve a major problem.
This
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 is because building more bridges can help improve
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow across the city.
In addition
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, more
roads
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 can reduce the number of
cars
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 in one area.
As a result
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, the
traffic
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 congestion will decrease.
For example
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,
traffic
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 jams can lead to accidents, and
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 accidents can be avoided if there is more than one bridge.
Therefore
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,
this
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 will help drivers to avoid delays and move faster in
traffic
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.
Also
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, when
roads
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 are wider,
cars
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 can move more freely
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 drivers feel less stress
while
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 driving.
However
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, public transportation can be a temporary solution, and spending money on new buses and modern
trains
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 may not solve the problem.
For example
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, in modern cities like Tokyo, there are many buses,
trains
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, and taxis, but
traffic
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 is still slow.
As a result
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,
trains
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 are often crowded, and the streets of Tokyo are still full of
traffic
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 jams.
Moreover
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, many
people
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 prefer to use
cars
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 rather than buses and
trains
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 because
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
 more comfortable for them.
Consequently
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,
people
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 who use
cars
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 prefer privacy and convenience.
In addition
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, public transport
sometimes is
Correct word order
is sometimes
show examples
 not reliable, which makes
people
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 avoid using it. In conclusion,
traffic
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 congestion can be solved by thinking outside the box. In my opinion,
traffic
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 problems can be solved by building new
roads
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 and highways and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 existing
roads
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.
This
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 will help cities to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 problems in the future and make transportation easier for
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about roads than public transport.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end, and keep the same idea in all parts.
task response
Use stronger examples with clear facts or results, not only general ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences repeat the same point in a new way.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. Put one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use referencing words carefully, because some links like 'As a result' and 'Therefore' are repeated too much.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and the order is logical.
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