IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue

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For decades, millions of young thin
women
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 have occupied space on screen
like
Correct word choice
as if
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 it is destined to be
this
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 way. The continuous and repetitive promotion of slim
women
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on
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in
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 mainstream media monopolizes the entire industry with false belief on the fixed
body
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 type allowed to
be appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
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 on screen. In
this
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 essay, I would like to demonstrate
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 that occur in society
toward
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regarding
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this
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 issue
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with suggested solutions to fix them. First and foremost, I will identify the negative reinforcements from single
body
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 type promotion. Undoubtedly, it discourages real-size
body
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types
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types'
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 appreciation, leading to an exclusion of other people who do not fit the standard displayed on screen.
This
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 has been a significant rise
of stigmatization
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in the stigmatisation
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 of other
body
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 shapes as
an imperfection
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imperfections
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. An illustrative example is Nicola Coughlan,
female
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the female
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 protagonist of Bridgerton Season three, who received hate speech online towards her figure. There were various
body
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-shaming comments online, accusing her
as
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of being
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 unsuitable for the role of female lead, regardless of her performance.
This
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 strongly highlights how
women
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 are mistreated and
criticized
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criticised
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,
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apply
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 if they do not belong to the
ideally
Replace the word
ideal
 thin standard. To tackle these problems, there are some practical solutions I would like to suggest. There is no greater universal solution
that is
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 better than education. Teaching people about realistic existing
body
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 figures helps raise awareness and inclusivity. It can be demonstrated
as
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through
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 the
advocational
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advocacy
 campaigns on mainstream
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such
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media such
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 as Bridgerton season three.
This
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 series challenged unrealistic beauty standards by portraying a non- traditional female lead. Even Nicola Coughlan once mentioned that
women
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 with her
body
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 type do not get to see themselves onscreen enough.
As a result
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, many
women
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 worldwide, with similar figures to Nicola, were encouraged to be proud of themselves and were more confident in their beauty as they were. In conclusion, the
idealization
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idealisation
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 of slim figures in the media causes problems
such
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 as exclusivity and negative
labeling
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labelling
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 of other
body
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 types.
However
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, these issues can be solved by education about realistic shapes of
women
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's bodies and initiating campaigns to promote other
body
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 types
on
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in
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 mainstream media.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each paragraph.
task response
Use simpler and more exact words to avoid unclear meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words like first, also, as a result, and however.
task response
Give one more clear problem and one more clear solution.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible.
task response
You answered the problem and solution parts of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You used a real example to support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches your main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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