IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph demonstrates the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people participating in different types of
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
(film club, martial arts, amateur dramatics, table tennis and musical performances) in one social centre in Australia
specifically
Punctuation problem
, specifically
show examples
 Melbourne , between 2000
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the number of musical performances and table tennis participants had increased,
while
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics had
downturn
Correct article usage
a downturn
show examples
slop
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, film club and martial arts activity had fluctuated, but
remianed
Correct your spelling
remained
 the same in the end.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of table tennis players
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 17 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 it rose slightly to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
20 in 2010. After
this
Linking Words
, the figure showed a sharp incline to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
approximately 53 in 2020.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the proportion of musical performance applicants had escalated steadily from 0 in 2005 to 18 in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
amateur
Correct article usage
the amateur
show examples
 dramatics trend declined by about 17 from 2000 to 2020.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, martial arts curve had an
inconsistant
Use the right word
inconsistent
show examples
 tendency over the years, reaching the highest point in 2010
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 roughly 38. For
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club, it
also
Linking Words
 had a fluctuation as it decreased
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 60 in 2010, but had an upward trend. Generally, it remained the highest activity
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people participated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • activities
  • social centre
  • popular
  • decline
  • increase
  • trend
  • interest
  • introduced
  • participants
  • peak
  • creative
  • physical
  • compared
  • features
  • summarise
  • reporting
  • period
  • changed
  • growing
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