IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first graph gives the number of passengers traveling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time.

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The first line graph illustrates the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people who travelled by train,
while
Linking Words
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 graph demonstrates the rate of trains
came
Wrong verb form
arriving
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 on
time
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it’s common to use
train
Check wording
trains
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 as a transport vehicle by individuals, in the other hand
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
running
Punctuation problem
, running
show examples
 on
time
Use synonyms
 of trains was witnessed
significant
Verb problem
to have a significant
show examples
 decrease
the
Change preposition
within the
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 given timeframe. In terms of
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the percentage of passengers
accounted for 250 millions
Correct word order
, 250 million accounted for
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 in the initial period
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 index
was
Verb problem
apply
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skyrocketed and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
300
millions
Check wording
million
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 in 2001,
then
Linking Words
 went down to 280
millions
Check wording
million
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 before
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 unchanged from 2002
and
Change preposition
to
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 2004. Looking at the details of
train’s
Correct article usage
the train’s
show examples
 percentage constituted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 92% in the preliminary stage
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased to 85% in 1997 before
climbed
Wrong verb form
climbing
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 to 94% in 1999.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the indicator went down in 2000 and showed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 progress as
1997
Change preposition
in 1997
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 soared to 92% in 2003 but decreased sharply to 72% in the ultimate period.

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • passenger
  • punctuality
  • trend
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • customer satisfaction
  • reliable
  • correlation
  • percentages
  • fluctuation
  • significant
  • decrease
  • increase
  • data analysis
  • service efficiency
  • transportation system
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