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Writing Samples
Band 5

With the passage of time people are less likely to make a visit at Museums. What are the Reasons for it? Explain this with the help of examples.

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It is increasingly common to find
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 people interested in attending museums for exhibitions, or to see a collection, or even to know about a specific
time
Use synonyms
 in history, which is a trend that has given rise to several pressing concerns. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 situation
derived
Verb problem
is derived
show examples
 from the technological advancements regarding youngsters, and the lack of
time
Use synonyms
 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of adults.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one major reason associated with technology developments is that social media and different apps concentrate all of the young
’s
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 attention. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that no teenager would be interested in going to an art gallery since they prefer to scroll down on Instagram, and to play with the
play station
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
 5. Not only does
this
Linking Words
 affect the student´s career, but it
also
Linking Words
 undermines the education system itself.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another key factor is the relentless pace of modern life. Parents do not have the
time
Use synonyms
 to take their kids to the museum. In fact, they are coming back home from work too late.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, every
time
Use synonyms
 more abilities and skills are required to meet the objectives at work. More tellingly, there is increasing evidence pointing out the relation between long working hours and their impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the domestic unit, underlining the detrimental effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 contemporary families. In conclusion, despite the fact that people are less interested in visiting a museum, a comprehensive and wide-ranging perspective is required. I am persuaded that
technology
Replace the word
technological
 developments and the hectic lifestyle are the key factors that prevent the public from going to cultural sites.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people go less, and explain each reason in full.
task response
Use examples that are more real and clear. For example, talk about online museum tours or parents working on weekends.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Add one more sentence to explain how each reason leads to fewer museum visits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simpler and more natural way. Some lines sound too formal or not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main reason, then support it with one clear example.
task response
You answer the question and give two clear reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction shows your main ideas early, which helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs well, and the conclusion matches the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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