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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people now photograph or video their social activities. What might be the reasons for this? Does this development have more advantages or more diadvantages?

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Picture-taking and video creation of social
events
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 have become increasingly common among
people
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. A number of reasons are responsible for
this
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, and I believe
this
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 is a negative development. The major reason why
people
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 are involved in recording their social gatherings is that it helps to preserve special moments . As life goes on very fast, memories tend to fade with time.
However
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, looking at collected photos or videos helps individuals to relive good moments and brings
smile
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a smile
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on
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to
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 their face.
This
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 makes individuals feel emotionally connected to sweet memories of their lives over and over again. Another contributing factor is the growing influence of social media because users of social networking sites get monetary benefits,
such
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 as payments received, promotional tours, or free gifts from brands, when their online posts reach a certain number of views. Even these
also
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 serve as a way to get emotional validation in the form of likes or comments from the viewers on a post.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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 are compelled to document their social
events
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.
However
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, it could be an invasion of
people
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's privacy, as not everyone attending the
events
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 is interested in being filmed to post on social media, and they even fail to enjoy the event fully
due to
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 the fear of the camera.
This
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 could
further
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 lead to conflicts when
people
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's boundaries are not respected by the recorders.
To conclude
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, it can be said that
although
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 several factors convince
people
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 to record
the
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apply
show examples
public
events
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, in my opinion,
this
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 trend is disadvantageous in terms of disturbing
the
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people's
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 personal space
of
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apply
show examples
people
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.

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task response
For task response: answer both parts more fully. You gave reasons and your view, but the good side needs more detail before you say it is bad overall.
task response
For task response: add one clear real-life example. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. To get a higher score, make the link between ideas smoother with careful use of words like 'for example', 'as a result', and 'on the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: one body paragraph mixes two ideas about social media money and emotional support. You can make this easier to follow by giving each main idea its own space or by linking them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your last paragraph talks about only one bad point. If you say the bad side is stronger, show this with one more short point so your view feels more fully supported.
task response
For task response: you answered both questions and gave a clear view that this is a negative development.
task response
For task response: your main reasons are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the introduction and conclusion are both present and match your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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