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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for university lecturer describing the information shown below.

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This
Linking Words
line
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 graph illustrates the average
of
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apply
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unemployment
people
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rate
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 in 2 countries:
The
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the
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 US and Japan. from
March
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 1993 to
March
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 1999.
Overall
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, the percentage of unemployment in the United States decreased dramatically over the years.
In contrast
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, the rates increased in Japan. Looking at
The
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the
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 United
states'
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States'
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line
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, the percentage of work force was about 7.0 in
March
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-93. It took a steady trend until it recorded 5.5 in
March
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 95. The
line
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 fluctuated between 5.5 and 4.5
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 until 1998. By
March
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 1999, the
line
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 reached its lowest number at 4.0. In terms of Japan,
unemployeer
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unemployment
 rates
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 only 2.0 at the
begining
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beginning
 of the given period. The number oscillated from 1993 to 1995 between 2% and 3%.
However
Linking Words
, the rate kept increasing slightly from 1996 onwards.
Finally
Linking Words
 Japaneese recorded 4.5% in work force percentage.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, march with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
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