IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibility. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In
this
Linking Words
 concurrent
world
Use synonyms
, social responsibility by business
world
Use synonyms
 is an inevitable topic.
Few
Correct article usage
A few
show examples
 ethnic groups postulate that big companies should consider social help apart from making
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
. I vehemently
accord
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 with the given statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will propound my
accordance
Check wording
agreement
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 credible examples. The chief
rationalization
Change the spelling
rationalisation
show examples
 for my agreement comes from
heterogenous
Correct your spelling
heterogeneous
 points.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the most discernible nub is environmental protection. To clarify it properly,
factories
Check wording
factory
show examples
 emissions and the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in serious
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 degradation in many places around the
world
Use synonyms
 and
hence
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 their duty to take action to reduce
this
Linking Words
 habit so as to save the atmosphere for future generations. An optimal example for
this
Linking Words
 can be installing waste treatment systems in industries to avoid discharging it
I
Change preposition
into
show examples
 rivers and air, which will make the surrounding clean and
chemical free
Correct your spelling
chemical-free
. Another paramount ground for my belief is
enterprises
Correct word choice
that enterprises
show examples
 making huge profits should give back to the community through charitable donations and financial scholarships. No one can deny that these firms gain
humongous
Correct article usage
a humongous
show examples
 amount of revenue.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if they distribute it in
destitute
Check wording
destitute areas
show examples
 people, it will help in building a prosperous and literate society. One more
rational
Replace the word
reason
 to substantiate my crux is that a major proportion of the national budget is constituted by the taxes paid by companies. It is deemed that the more money they make, the more taxes they will pay for the government. The average tax paid by profitable companies in India (27.7%) ,
for instance
Linking Words
, is much higher than the corresponding global figure (24%), which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 used for the huge production of vaccines helping the whole
world
Use synonyms
. These are some top notch concreate reasons for agreeing to the presented argument. The
overall
Linking Words
 picture,
therefore
Linking Words
, from the above disquisition unravels the kernel of social active participation of commercial people.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 successful and profitable businesses are fundamentally important to boost
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, I whole heartedly grant with the given statement and have explained the same in
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 paragraphs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show clearly why you agree, not only list ideas.
task response
Explain each main idea with one clear reason and one clear example. Some ideas are good, but they need simpler and fuller support.
task response
Stay focused on social duty. The tax point is less direct because paying tax is a legal duty, not always social duty.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan. One main idea in each body paragraph will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result. Some linking words now sound forced or unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow and word choice. Some sentences are hard to follow, so your meaning is not always clear.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same side to the end.
task response
You include examples about waste control, charity, and tax, so the essay has support for its ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words and try to connect your ideas across the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: