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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates a conclusion of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research about
individual’s
Check wording
individuals’
show examples
 preferences in buying and drinking tea and
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all
cities
Add a comma
cities,
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 a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer to go to a cafe for
coffee
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 or tea is the highest in all cities. Meanwhile, a
percentage
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 of citizens who
purchases
Correct subject-verb agreement
purchase
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 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 is the least. It can be seen
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that there is a significant difference between
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 groups. It is clear from the data
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of individuals who
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 their preference to going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
or tee
Correct your spelling
tea
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks is in Melbourne, reaching approximately 64%. At the same time, the lowest proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tee
Correct your spelling
tea
 during the
last
Linking Words
 month is in Adelaide (just under 50% of citizens). It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed
,
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apply
show examples
 that only around 34% of individuals bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Brisbane, which makes it a city with the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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percentage
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. Meanwhile, in
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
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 it is about 43% of
people
Use synonyms
 who
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is the highest figure A proportion of citizens who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks peaks in Hobart, reaching slightly under 55%. Meanwhile, the least
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 is in Sydney (just over 45%).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, percentage, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • coffee
  • tea
  • buying habits
  • drinking habits
  • Australian cities
  • consumption
  • respondents
  • regular
  • participants
  • levels
  • observed
  • popular
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