IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In many nations, their citizens have to pay for their medical expenses,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that those
services
Use synonyms
 should be paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion becasue individual
person
Check wording
apply
show examples
has to pay more in taxes and one
requires
Verb problem
has
show examples
 to wait in
cheque
Use the right word
line
show examples
 to get
health
Use synonyms
 treatments. There will be no doubt that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will deduct an extra tax percentage from
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 income in order to compansate these free medical
services
Use synonyms
. It means that a person is paying extra money into
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 medical fund for other people's
health
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, citizens will be
burn
Wrong verb form
burned
show examples
 out
for
Change preposition
from
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 paying higher money in a year in which
not they or their family
Correct word order
they or their family does not
show examples
 get ill.
For example
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, Western countries provide free
health
Use synonyms
 care for their people, but these
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 have
number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of homeless people who use these facilities the most and
not
Verb problem
do not
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 contributing into
health
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 care fund by paying taxes.
Furthermore
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, free
health
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 treatment
services
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 are often run on first come first serve basis. With limited hospitals and medical
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
, one
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to wait for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
line to get their turn.
This
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 might sometimes
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to dangerous consequences like suffer servere pain, body organ damage or
patient's
Correct article usage
the patient's
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 death because of not getting
services
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 on time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those citizens who pay more taxes are furious as not getting govermental
services
Use synonyms
 after
paied
Correct your spelling
paying
 money.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 of Alberta has issued
Use synonyms
Health
Correct article usage
a Health
show examples
 Card
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 covers almost all medical
services
Use synonyms
, but with
this
Linking Words
 card, one has to wait for around 3 months to get a doctor's appointment. In conclusion, many suggest that medical
services
Use synonyms
 should be free
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
. I think that everyone should pay their own medical bills as they will get priority at medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
no
Verb problem
there is no
show examples
 need to pay extra for others'
treatements
Correct your spelling
treatments
.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You clearly disagree, but you should also show why some people want free care, then explain why you do not agree.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice mistakes.
task response
Use examples with more care. Your examples are relevant, but they need clearer detail and better explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Organize each body paragraph in a simple way: main idea, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'therefore' and 'as a result' should match the idea before them.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. Some sentences are too long or not clear, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep this opinion through the essay.
task response
You use two main reasons to support your view, which helps answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points, which is a good step for IELTS writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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