IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from villages to cities for work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

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In contemporary
, there
Check wording
times, there
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 has been a drastic
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 for decades to looking for better workplaces.
This
Linking Words
 became a main problem of now society, which causes severe matters to both villages and cities. It is because of the population, which is too small
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the other side shows the opposite phenomenon. On the one hand, a big movement from workforces which prolonged for a long
time
Use synonyms
 has
made a
Verb problem
caused
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 significant damage to the countryside. As
people
Use synonyms
 disappeared, local shops
such
Linking Words
 as restaurants or super markets bankrupted because there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 no more
clienteles
Correct your spelling
customers
 to spend money on them
left
Verb problem
apply
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, villages become poor,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that they can't
investigate
Verb problem
invest
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 money to improve the region.
For example
Linking Words
, a region
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
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 apart from the city which lacks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
ages
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young people
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 who can work actively, are lived by
senior
Check wording
seniors
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 only, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has presented
bad
Correct word choice
poor
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 maintenance of the facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the city
also
Linking Words
 has serious issues because of its density. Too many
people
Use synonyms
 settled in the city suddenly before the appropriate
structeres
Correct your spelling
structures
 and policies were
pilared
Correct your spelling
established
. It caused a lot of problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the dwellers' everyday life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transport system.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the commute
time
Use synonyms
 comes, every
roads
Fix the agreement mistake
road
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 and subways are full of
people
Use synonyms
, with no private distance, wasting too much
time
Use synonyms
 on the way
workplaces
Replace the word
to work
. The average
on spending
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
on
Verb problem
spent on
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 the road is almost 1 and a half
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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. It frustrates
people
Use synonyms
's mental and physical health. To solve these problems, some of the
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
 with good quality should move to villages. As we do
this
Linking Words
, active workforces would return to their hometown or
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 places, and formulate local economic development.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain the problems well, but the solution part is too short and needs more than one clear step.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas clearer. Each body paragraph should start with one clear point, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and clear way, like 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'To solve this'. This will help your essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Add a stronger ending. Your last part should sum up both the problems and the solutions in a clear way.
task response
Give more detail for solutions. For example, say how jobs can move to villages, or how the government can help companies and workers.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so your essay stays on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two problem paragraphs, and one solution paragraph.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, especially about empty villages and crowded transport in cities.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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