IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries more and more people are opting to use renewable energy sources in their homes. What are the reasons for this? How can people implement this in their residences?

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Nowadays, renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 sources are gradually used in households in some countries.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly driven by environmental concerns. I will explain how
people
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 adopt implements in their home.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 who
use
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 sustainable
energy
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
often believe that the heavy
use
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 of fossil fuels causes wildlife extinction, as the process of obtaining fossil fuels often
destroying
Wrong verb form
destroys
show examples
 wildlife's habitats,
such
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 as forests and oceans, where mining and oil drilling are carried out. On top of that, pollution is one of the main reasons.
This
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 is because fossil fuels need to be processed in industrial facilities, which leads to a mass of carbon emissions and wastewater discharge into rivers, resulting in air and water pollution. With the loss of forests and carbon emissions, greenhouse gas levels increase significantly, eventually contributing to global warming. In terms of implementation, one of the most effective ways is to
use
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energy
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-efficient appliances,
such
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 as refrigerators, air conditioners, or solar water heaters.
In addition
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,
people
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 can
also
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 contribute by changing their habits in daily life,
such
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 as turning light when
people
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 do not
need them
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
, reducing plastic usage, and avoiding single-
use
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 products.
Finally
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, it is important for individuals to educate future generations about the importance of renewable
energy
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.
To sum up
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, an increasing number of
people
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 are adopting renewable
energy
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 sources worldwide in order to protect wildlife, reduce pollution, and slow down global warming.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individuals should increase the
use
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 of
energy
Use synonyms
-efficient appliances, reduce unnecessary standby power consumption, and pass on environmental values to future generations.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You explain why people choose green energy, but the second part is not fully about how to use renewable energy at home.
task response
Use home energy ideas like solar panels, solar water heaters, small wind systems, or buying green power from the grid. Do not focus too much on general green habits.
task response
Add one or two clear examples for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are clear, but a few ideas do not connect well to the question. Make sure each sentence helps the main point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match the question more closely, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph stays mostly on one main idea: why people choose renewable energy.
task response
You show awareness of big issues like pollution and global warming.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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