IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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Some
of
Change preposition
apply
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people who having celebs personalities and talents are chasing to come up
as
Change preposition
to
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 a
celebrity
Use synonyms
 level
expecting
Punctuation problem
, expecting
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benefits
Use synonyms
. Indeed, being a
celebrity
Use synonyms
,
Are
Correct pronoun usage
are they
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 really
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 us
benefits
Use synonyms
 or more
problems
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
As
Correct word choice
apply
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in my point of view, It's get more
problems
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
getting
Change preposition
of getting
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benefits
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 once someone
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 a
celebrity
Use synonyms
. And
this
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss what are the
problems
Use synonyms
 and reasons for that. As a popular person, there are
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
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 of
problems
Use synonyms
 they are
begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
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 to experience.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they may have to sacrifice their personal
life
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 until they
being
Wrong verb form
are living
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 their
celebrity
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. Because they can't hide anything from medias and social
medias
Check wording
media
show examples
 anymore. Those media units
always
Verb problem
are always
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 looking to
acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire the
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 latest updates of their changes,
And
Fix capitalization
and
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 those may
have possibility
Replace the word
possibly
 be false
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
 as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 position and the status will eliminate their freedom and the privacy that they had back in their lives. As
a
Correct article usage
an
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 example, we can able to simple activities that we doing in our daily basis, but for celeibrity it's a
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 story for him or her. So there is no doubt
to
Correct word choice
that
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 popularity
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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life
Use synonyms
 complicated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, getting famous
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 would have unknown enemies,
And
Fix capitalization
and
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 they would have to expect
unknown
Correct article usage
an unknown
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 hazard at
anytime
Correct your spelling
any time
. There are heaps of news that celebrities
attacked
Verb problem
are attacked
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 by their fans
through
Correct word choice
both
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 physically and virtually.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they have to
get
Verb problem
make
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 decisions to impress their fans rather
pleasing
Correct word choice
than pleasing
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 themselves
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 If not
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 would
be affected to
Verb problem
affect
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 their popularity. So it seems they
losing
Verb problem
are losing
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 their own identity upon that fakeness
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Finally
Linking Words
,
We
Fix capitalization
we
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 can see how hard to maintain that popular interface
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it makes their
life
Use synonyms
 harder. In conclusion, being a
celebrity
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
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gets more
problems
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 experiencing
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
benefits
Use synonyms
. Some of
celebrities
Correct article usage
the celebrities
show examples
already
Verb problem
are already
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 suffering
with
Change preposition
from
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 their
loses
Replace the word
losses
 and others
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 deceived
upon
Change preposition
by
show examples
 temporary advantages.

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task response
Give a more clear answer in the first part. Say early that you think fame brings more problems than benefits.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. For example, name one real problem like no private life or online attacks.
task response
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are good, but they need more detail to feel full.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. At times the flow is weak.
task response
You answer the question and clearly choose one side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give real and relevant points like loss of privacy and danger from fans.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good
  • bad
  • time
  • work
  • life
  • plan
  • team
  • know
  • many
  • people
  • this
  • that
  • but
  • if
  • because
  • when
  • now
  • can
  • will
  • should
  • would
  • not
  • may
  • use
  • talk
  • story
  • news
  • press
  • privacy
  • stress
  • health
  • safety
  • limit
  • balance
  • career
  • money
  • example
  • improve
  • help
  • reach
  • people
  • public
  • life
  • family
  • friend
  • art
  • music
  • film
  • situation
  • action
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