Some people think reading stories in books with children is better than letting them watch TV or playing games with the children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people think that reading
storys
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stories
in books with
children
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is better than letting them watch
TV
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or play
games
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. I partially agree with
this
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opinion, because reading
have
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has
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many
benifits
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benefits
, but other activities can
also
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be
usefull
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useful
in some ways.
Firstly
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, reading books togather help
children
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to improve their language skills. They can learn new words, grammar and expressions, which is important for their education and future communication.
Also
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, reading
develop
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develops
show examples
imagination, because
children
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create pictures in their mind
instead
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of watching
ready
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ready-made
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images on screen.
In addition
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,
this
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activity can build a strong relationship between parents and
children
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, as they spend quality time
togather
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together
and share ideas about the story.
However
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, watching
TV
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and playing
games
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is not always bad. Some
TV
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programs are educational and can teach
children
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about science, history or culture in a fun and interesting way.
Likewise
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, certain
games
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can improve problem-solving skills, hand-eye coordination and even teamwork when
children
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play with others.
Children
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may
also
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feel
relax
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relaxed
and happy when they play
games
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or watch their favourite shows, which is
neccessary
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necessary
for their mental health and
overall
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development. In conclusion,
although
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reading story books is very important for
children
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’s development,
TV
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and
games
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also
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have some advantages.
Therefore
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, I believe a balance between these activities is the best solution for raising
children
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in the modern world.

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task response
Give one more clear example for TV or games to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your main idea a bit more in each body paragraph.
task response
Your answer is clear, but the position could be stronger from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'for example', 'as a result', and 'on the other hand' to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are clear, but a few ideas can be joined better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and then support it step by step.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion clearly.
task response
You wrote about both sides and gave reasons for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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