IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technologies are used in many workplaces today. How do you think technology changed the ways people work. Do you think there are any disadvantages on relying on tech at work?

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It is well known and accepted that modern technologies are
wildly
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widely
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 used in most workplaces today. Medicine, education and even
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 already benefit
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 direct involvement and
support
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technologies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, artificial intelligence and technologies are embedded in our personal,
every day
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everyday
 life, taking over so many private and intimate experiences and connections. In my view, humankind
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 benefited a lot
due to
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 the fact that advanced computers and robots
support
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 our work and development. In our days,
duet o
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due to
 precise and optimised computers, extremely complicated
manuvres
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manoeuvres
 and operations are made.
Therefore
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, we can state that
techonoly
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technology
 contributed
direcly
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directly
 to the
wellbeing
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well-being
 of the population, decreasing
number
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the number
show examples
 of sick and suffering people. Agriculture has
also
Linking Words
grately
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greatly
 benefited
of
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from
show examples
 new era tractors,
authomatic
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automatic
 procedures, smart
irigation
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irrigation
 systems
etc
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, etc
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. The production of both cereals, fruits and
vegetales
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vegetables
 had increased, easing the effort and reducing the
time
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requested
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required
show examples
 for specific tasks and the number of employees required. Another positive example is army activity. Using robots in detecting bombs is so revolutionary, preventing many human deaths.
Therefore
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, there are many benefits of using modern
technology
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 at workplace.
On the other hand
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, areas of activity
such
Linking Words
 as arts, sports, and even education might be
doubled
Use the right word
doubly
show examples
 influenced. Alongside making processes more efficient, human creativity, human authenticity and unique vibe and approach
,
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apply
show examples
migh
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might
 be lost in
time
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. From my perspective, creating music and paintings being helped by AI is unacceptable.
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 believed that
technology
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 in education is doing harm on a long term. By the way It is
prooved
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proven
 by neuroscience that if humans
dont
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don't
 repeat certain exercises by connecting their brain and soul, they
loose
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lose
show examples
 their abilities and skills. By communicating with machines and
robots
Punctuation problem
robots,
show examples
 humans do not develop
,
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;
show examples
 they stagnate. By using AI in daily life, we forget to be kind, creative, to find innovative
sollutions
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solutions
, to connect with peers and
support
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 each other. Coming back to army sector-robots, rackets,
drons
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drones
 can have
such
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 a
distructive
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destructive
 effect if in the wrong hands, with negative intentions. In
this
Linking Words
 context, I
support
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 the idea of using
technology
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 at workplace in order to ease and
support
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 certain complex tasks,
meanwhile
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while
show examples
 delegating managing and
controling
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controlling
 tasks to humans. Still, the most difficult and challenging call will be to restrict screens and
technology
Use synonyms
 when spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family, friends and with ourselves, providing
time
Use synonyms
 and space for creativity, kindness, joy, nature and human connections.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Say clearly how work changed, then say clearly what the bad sides are.
task response
Use simpler and clearer main ideas. Some points are good, but a few are too wide or not fully explained.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, but some ideas move too fast from one area to another.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Sometimes the link is there, but the next sentence does not fully follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your line of thought more easily.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
task response
You gave real work areas like medicine, farming, art, education, and the army.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are grouped into two body paragraphs, which helps overall flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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