IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Problem and Solution In some poorer areas of large cities people are too afraid to leave their houses at night time due to a fear of crime. What are the causes of crime in those areas and what can be done to tackle those problems?

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In the present age, the phenomenon of fear of leaving their houses has lately been observed in underdeveloped regions.
This
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 is mainly caused by the development of quick financial gain to meet an individual's basic needs and unimproved living surroundings. In
this
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 essay, I will identify these causes and take steps to address those issues.
To begin
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 with, for those who live in the proverty country, they tend to have poor resources to earn enough income to handle their basic needs
,
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;
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therefore
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,
this
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 trend contributes to the growth of illeaglly economical gains
such
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 as robberies, drug dealing and theft. Plus, these poor nations usually do not have advanced surveillance and insufficient lighting on the streets, so it greatly drives those illegal scenarios to thrive. To tackle those problems, the governments ought to provide their citizens with financial support and enhance their security in their homeland. To illustrate, these authorities could create more working opportunities to increase individuals' s income and apply some financial policies to support some unablities people. These measures can effectively sort out the economic issues and reduce the misconceptions.
Moreover
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, updating the safety devices on the streets
also
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 plays an important role in preventing some illegal cases from happening, especially at night. It effectively strengthens the safe living environment. In conclusion, in order to reduce the fear of the living environment at night, the authorities can improve their financial basis and boost their homeland security. Over time , these fears can be greatly mitigated.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes and solutions, but some ideas are still short.
task response
Use clearer examples. Add one real or simple example for crime and one for safety steps.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow. Start each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and however. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
task response
Check word choice and grammar because some errors make meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both questions in the task: causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Main ideas are mostly relevant to the topic of crime and fear at night.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fear of crime
  • poor area
  • large city
  • leave the house at night
  • lack of jobs
  • low income
  • basic needs
  • turn to crime
  • steal money
  • drug trade
  • gang activity
  • leave school early
  • bad influence
  • role model
  • break the law
  • weak police presence
  • dark streets
  • public safety
  • report crime
  • job training
  • community center
  • after-school activities
  • safe place
  • better future
  • street lighting
  • police patrol
  • public transport safety
  • community policing
  • neighborhood watch
  • tackle the problem
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