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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of population aged 65 or over in Canada, Germany and UK

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The bar chart compares
how many
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 or over in three different countries
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 the years 1980,200, and 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 increases in all 3 countries over the time period. Among all three countries
the highest aged at
Correct word order
, Germany has the highest age
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
 in 2030
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 it is shown that the lowest
aged at
Replace the word
age
Canada
Use synonyms
 in 1980. As it is shown in the chart, in 1980
Canada
Use synonyms
 had the smallest
proportion
Use synonyms
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
 aged 10%. Elderly
people
Use synonyms
 increased in
Germany
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
, 15% and 13%, respectively. Regarding, coming to the in 2000,
Germany
Use synonyms
 still had the biggest group of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 with 15%.
Use synonyms
Canada
Change preposition
In Canada
show examples
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 or over were relatively similar, at 15%. By 2030, the greatest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Germany
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the group of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above will account for 22% of the population in
Canada
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 and for around 19% in the
UK
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, canada, germany, uk, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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