IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that having a university degree is the best way to achieve success in a career and find a well-paid job. Others think that real working experience and practical skills are more valuable than formal education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals claim that having a higher
education
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 is the best path to
be
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being
show examples
 successful in a career and in finding a well-paid
job
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. Others assume that practical and soft
skills
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 are considered more valuable than formal
education
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. In my view, a combination of both is ideal. Higher
education
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 opens the door to various types of vacancies and opportunities,
while
Linking Words
 practical and soft
skills
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 make individuals stand out from a crowd of candidates and perform well in their careers. On the one hand,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher
education
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 is usually considered a key requirement for securing a good
job
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, specifically in
specialized
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specialised
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 fields
such
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 as medicine and law. These professions often require academic training, as practitioners need to meet ethical guidelines and industry standards. Some employers even
utilize
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utilise
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 degrees to filter candidates and choose the most qualified ones.
For instance
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, employers and government agencies typically
prioritize
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prioritise
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 applicants with formal
education
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, since it demonstrates their commitment and discipline.
Consequently
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, having a degree is a valuable competitive advantage in the
job
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 market.
On the other hand
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, practical and soft
skills
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 are equally vital as they play a crucial role in certain professions
such
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 as IT and
Arts
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the arts
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.
For example
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, a self-taught software developer would perform well and achieve substantial success without having a computer science degree. I strongly agree with the fact that
real world
Correct your spelling
real-world
 experience and soft
skills
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 are more beneficial in certain fields, since being academically brilliant and qualified
sometimes
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apply
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may
be not
Correct word order
not always be
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 enough to get a well-paid and tranquil
job
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. To sum it up,
while
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 a university degree provides theoretical knowledge and enhances employability,
skills
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 and experience are, sometimes, more beneficial and useful for long-term career success.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a balanced
approach-acquiring
Punctuation problem
approach, acquiring
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 formal
education
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 whilst
also
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 developing practical
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skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
 is the most effective path to professional growth.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the second side is a bit shorter.
task response
Give one more clear example for the skills side. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your opinion more directly in the body, not only in the introduction and end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and more exact linking words. Some parts are a little long.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea one clear step. A few sentences try to do too much at once.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with small phrase links like 'real world' and 'To sum it up'; write them in a more natural way.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan.
task response
You use examples about medicine, law, IT, and arts, which fit the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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