IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

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SOME NATIONS MAKE THEM SYSTEM STUDY IN SCHOOLS, REQUIRE STUDENTS SPECIALIZE IN A LIMITED SUBJECT FORM THE AGE OF FIFTEEN
WHILE
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 OTHERS NATIONS MAKE THEM SYSTEMS FROM DIFFRENT WAY, THEY NOT PUT SUBJECT FOR
SUCH
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 AGE BUT THEY BUT SAME UNTIL LEAVE SCHOOL.
IN MY OPINOIN
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In my opinion
, BOTH OF THEM HAS ADVANTEG AND DISADVANTEGES, BUT I PREFER TO USE THE FIRST ONE ONE BECUASE IT HELP
STUDENT
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 TO DESCOVER HIMSELF AND DEVELOP THE IMPORTANT SUBJECTS IN LIFE, AFTER TAKE THE BEISIC SUBJECT BEFORE FIFTEEN. THE
SUCH
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 SYSTEM FROM THE TOW HAS BOTH
NEGATIV
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NEGATIVE
 AND POSITIVE
ASPECT
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ASPECTS
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 IN HOW
MUTH
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MUCH
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THIS
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 WAY EFFECT IN THE MENTAL FOR
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STUDENT
Fix the agreement mistake
STUDENTS
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, AND HOW MUTH
STUDENT
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 REMAMPER THE
ENFORMATION
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INFORMATION
 AND CAN USE IT
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HOWEVER
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apply
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TO HAS UPLIFTING EFFECT IN
SOSITY
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SOCIETY
. TO BIGEN WITH, STUDY SAME SUBJECTS UNTIL LEAVE SCHOOL, HAS A LOT OF NEGATIVE ASPECT
SUCH
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 AS, IN
THIS
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 ERA I DO NOT NEED EMPLOOY WHO CAN SOLVE ANY METTER IN MATHE, I NEED CRIATIVE PERSON WHO CAN DEVELOP IDEA AND GAVE CRIATIVE SLOSTION, THEREFOR SYDY BASIC SUBJECTS AFTER THAT SUDY WICH THE LIFE NEED THAT MORE IMPORTANT THAN SYUDY BASIC ALL YOUR SCHOOL LIFE, IN EXAMPLE COLEG DOSE NOT STYDY WITHOUT REAL WORK WOU CAN NOT GRADEUETION BEFORE WORK IN REAL ENVIROMENT AND THAT TEACH DEVELOP YOUR CARRER.
ON THE OTHER HAND
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, FOR
SUCH
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 AGE HIS SUBJECTE AFTER FIFTEEN THAT HAS A LOT OF POSITEVE ASPECT IN
STUDENT
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 CARRER AND HES MANTEL
SUCH
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 AS IT DEVLOB HES MANTEL AND HOW HE OR SHE THOUGHT
IN ADDITION
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 IT DEVLOB THEM CRIATIVE BECAUSE IT FOCES IN HOW TO MAKE PERSON CAN CRIATEVE AND DEVELOP HIM SELF.IN THE END IT DEBEND ON WHAT THE
STUDENT
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 PREFER AND WE SHOULD
BALANS
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BALANCE
 IN
THIS
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 TOW SYSTEM.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Write one part about the good side of each system, then say which one is better and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear main ideas in each body paragraph. Now some ideas are hard to follow.
task response
Give simple and real examples. Your college example is not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. This will help your meaning stay clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like first, on the other hand, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You give your opinion clearly: you prefer the first system.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and an ending.
task response
You try to compare the two school systems.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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