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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world subjects like Science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example form your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals claim that the lesson of
history
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 is one of the most significant school
subjects
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, whilst others argue that in today's world,
lessons
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such
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 as
science
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 and
technology
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 are more vital than
history
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. I strongly believe that the
subjects
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 that provide more scientific and technological information play a more crucial role than types of historical
lessons
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 in
students
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' lives in today's world.
To begin
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 with, the main importance of historical
subjects
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 is culture. Nowadays, a lot of
history
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 teachers explain different cultures to pupils, and the pupils learn new things about various countries.
For instance
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, they learn old-fashioned model clothes, some ancient rituals, and traditional dishes.
Moreover
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, not all the time, but sometimes,
students
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 who take
history
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lessons
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 might influence various nations'
history
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, and they can expand their minds with new information.
On the other hand
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, with the development of
technology
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 and
science
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, historical
subjects
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 are losing their importance in the modern world. Nowadays, the number of
students
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 who prefer to take a
technology
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 lesson
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 historical
subjects
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing
day
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 by
day
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.
For example
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, young people are more interested in high-technological devices and scientific research, and they want to learn new things about these
subjects
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. My own educational background is a clear illustration of
this
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. During my high school years, I decided to take modern
lessons
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,
such
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 as
science
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 and
technology
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, because of modern life, and my interest in
history
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 was decreasing
day
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 by
day
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.
To sum up
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, there are some thoughts on a discussion of
history
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 and modern
lessons
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.
However
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, from my perspective,
while
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history
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 helps
students
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 understand culture and past events,
science
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 and
technology
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subjects
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 are more essential because they prepare young people for future careers and modern society

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You write about history and science, but the history side is short and not fully explained.
task response
Give a clearer own view in the body, not only in the introduction and end. Show why science and technology are more important with one or two strong reasons.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your school example helps, but it is still general. Add one clear real example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, so the reader can follow it.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. At times, sentences feel separate. Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point more. Some ideas are interesting, but they need one more sentence of explanation.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
The personal example makes your writing more real.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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