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Writing Samples
Band 5

Leaders of all kinds are often younger now than in the past. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 it is becoming more common to see young
people
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 achieving leadership positions than in the past.
This
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 essay will
analyze
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analyse
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 the reasons for
this
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 and discuss
if
Correct word choice
whether
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 it is a positive or a negative trend. Schools are preparing the young generation to dream high and reach ambitious goals. Teachers are playing a vital
role
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 to assist the student to develop social and intellectual
skills
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 more recently than
it happened
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they did
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 in the past.
In addition
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, it can be seen
the
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that the
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 inclusion of teaching methods where the
students
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 are the
center
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centre
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 of the learning process
and
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, and
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 they can
also
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 contribute meaningfully to the discussion.
This
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 approach transforms the
students
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 into
an
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apply
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active
learner
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learners
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 and
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consequently
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, consequently
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, into
an
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apply
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independent
person
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people
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. The combination
between
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of
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 active engagement with assignments where
students
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 can lead and develop their critical thinking can contribute to the growth of their leadership
skills
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.
For example
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, a debate class in which a student has to select essential information, formulate arguments and expose them in front of a class can improve their communication competencies and provide a sense of being a leader. Family encouragement to seek a high-standard
role
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 leads parents to contribute to the development of their children’s expertise
and
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, and
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consequently
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, it motivates young
people
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 to achieve those positions. Families have a crucial
role
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to educate
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in educating
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 their children
and
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, and
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 as most parents
now can
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can now
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 afford extracurricular lessons
to
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for
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 their children, the young generation
are
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is
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 exposed to all kinds of courses aiming to improve their
skills
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 since childhood.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can expand their knowledge and provide opportunities to learn different abilities. Learning a new language,
for instance
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, can prompt
students
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 to travel overseas and have contact with different cultures
and
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, and
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consequently
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, they become more independent.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that having young leaders might be a risky and unreliable move, some believe that having a younger person in a leadership
role
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 might be a positive trend. As society is constantly advancing and evolving, a young leader might be more aware of the changes that are happening in their surroundings than an older professional. The young generation can bring innovative and modern ideas to improve a company,
for example
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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people
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 might not trust
in
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apply
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a young
maturity
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person
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 to be a leader or run a company, most of these young leaders were exposed to self-development classes and taught valuable
skills
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 that might assist in their position. Sometimes management requires modern and contemporary approaches in order to succeed, and
fortunately
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fortunately,
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 young leaders can contribute meaningfully.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say more clearly why young leaders are more common, and why this is mostly good or bad.
task response
Give one strong main view. Your essay says it is positive, but this view could be clearer in the body.
task response
Add more specific support. Some ideas are good, but they need deeper explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that clearly match the question. This will make your message easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly between and inside paragraphs. Some parts feel a little list-like.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your examples about school, family, and young leaders are relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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