IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some countries very few young prople are willing to do unpaid community service (for example working for a charity , improving thr neighbourhood , or teaching sports to younger children ). What problem might this cause? What do you think is the best way to solve this problems?

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I believe one of the reasons is that people can be selfish
,
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 they can be reluctant to help out their community , which can be defined as lacking empathy. But no, not really, it isn't really about lacking empathy. People are afraid of having their help abused folk are scared of being hurt just because they wanted to help. They are reluctant of becoming a victim in their own making. Why? Simple. Because humans often tend to ask for your arm when you lend your hand, they sometimes want more , ask for more
and
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 you give exactly what they wanted from you. But when the time comes when YOU are the one whos in need of help , those people you helped earlier will turn their backs on you , and
that is
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 the reason why
i
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I
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 believe human society is terrified of helping each other.

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task response
Answer both parts of the task. You talk about why people do not help, but you do not clearly say what problem this causes and what the best way to solve it is.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: intro, problem, solution, and end. Now your ideas move back and forth, so the reader can get lost.
task response
Give one or two real examples. For example, say how less help for old people, poor families, or children can hurt the area.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea one full paragraph. Then add a short reason and one example to support it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like First, As a result, For example, and In the end to make the essay easy to follow.
task response
You have a clear personal view, and this gives the writing a strong voice.
task response
Some ideas are easy to understand, like fear of being used by other people.
coherence and cohesion
You try to explain your point, not only state it, and this is good for essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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