IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs. What problems this causes? What are solutions?

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Recently, a number of older individuals who need to work compete with
intergenerational
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 people for the same jobs.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the detrimental effects and
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the consequences.
However
Linking Words
, the foremost cause trend the young generation have lack of experience than the older generation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation who
is the
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 fresh graduated university or master's degree, they apply for various companies.
This
Linking Words
 is the starting point of fierce competition. Companies look for highly qualified people who have been working
at
Change preposition
in
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 that job for a long time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, both generations seek lucrative jobs, and
this
Linking Words
 leads to employment competition. Older generations do not want to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
retire
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 intergenerational individuals are unemployment.

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task response
Answer both parts of the task. You asked about problems and solutions, but you mostly wrote about causes and competition.
task response
Make your main ideas clear. Each body part should have one main point, then explain it well.
task response
Add real and clear examples. For example, say how young people may stay out of work, or how older workers may need money for family or health.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear essay plan: introduction, one paragraph for problems, one paragraph for solutions, and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, As a result, and To solve this.
coherence and cohesion
Finish your essay with a conclusion. Right now, the ending is not complete.
task response
You wrote an introduction that shows the topic.
task response
You tried to compare old and young people in the job market.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas have some order, from one group to the other group.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
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