IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

People hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
people
Use synonyms
 are growing very fast day by day.
their
Fix capitalization
Their
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and intrests changed many times.In my point of view , many
people
Use synonyms
 follow
hobbies
Use synonyms
bcause
Correct your spelling
because
 of social media trends
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 others choose activities
according to
Linking Words
 their personal
intrest
Correct your spelling
interests
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 start making videos on
tiktok
Fix capitalization
TikTok
show examples
 because it is a
trend
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.Many
people
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 join
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
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 because of
fitness
Correct article usage
the fitness
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 .
Like wise
Correct your spelling
Likewise
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 start vlogging because
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a
trend
Use synonyms
 on
youtube
Fix capitalization
YouTube
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 do in their free time what
actually
Correct pronoun usage
they actually
show examples
their
Verb problem
enjoy
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are.Some
people
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 gardening because they find happiness in
this
Linking Words
.
some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 others do painting in their free time .Many
people
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 like reading since their childhood
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it becomes their hobby.Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 listenes music in
spare
Correct determiner usage
their spare
show examples
 time because of their intrest but
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 listening music because of
Use synonyms
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
fasion
Correct your spelling
fashion
 and social media affect
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
,individual choice and personal
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 remain equally important.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say if you mostly agree, mostly disagree, or partly agree, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Add one or two main ideas, then explain each idea more. Your points are good, but they are too short.
task response
Use examples with a little more detail. For example, say why a gym trend starts and why some people stay with it.
coherence and cohesion
Make full paragraphs: one for your view, one for trends, one for personal choice, and one short end.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more clearly, such as first, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and spaces after commas and full stops. This will make your writing easier to read.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: trends and personal choice.
task response
You give real and clear examples like TikTok, gym, gardening, painting, and reading.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, which helps the essay feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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