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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph below shows the per capita consumption of butter and margarine in the United States between 1980 and 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The graph illustrates information about per person consumption of margarine and butter in the US throughout the period from 1980 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, all the dairy products exhibited different trends over the given time
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 butter followed an upward trajectory,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 margarine showed a downward trend.
However
Linking Words
, the rates of increase and decrease varied between them. As the picture shows, butter began at slightly under 5
lbs
Use synonyms
 in 1980, there was a gradual decline to around 4
lbs
Use synonyms
 by 1990,
then
Linking Words
 saw a slight climb to almost 4.5
lbs
Use synonyms
 in 2000. But
,
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 increased significantly from 4.5
lbs
Use synonyms
 to 6
lbs
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2020. Notably, continued the same general pattern until the end of the period.
By contrast
Linking Words
, margarine started at over 10
lbs
Use synonyms
 in 1980,
then
Linking Words
 dropped sharply in 1990 to roughly 8
lbs
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 experienced a steady dip year by year, and there was a dramatic drop reaching a peak in 2020 to approximately 2
lbs
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words lbs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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