IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, traditional food are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In many countries , traditional cuisine
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 being replaced by
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a negative effect on families and
people
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 essay totally
agree
Correct subject-verb agreement
agrees
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
statemant
Correct your spelling
statement
 because fast
food
Use synonyms
 is damaging
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health and cultural traditions. Eating too
mush
Use the right word
much
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 can cause
serios
Correct your spelling
serious
 problems like
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
 and
diabet
Correct your spelling
diabetes
. Fast
food
Use synonyms
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of sugar and fat. And it
fry
Wrong verb form
is fried
show examples
 in oil
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them more unhealthy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it leads to more medical causes and obesity.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , goverment need to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more money on healthcare
becaues
Correct your spelling
because
 of poor diet caused by junk
food
Use synonyms
 .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in the
USA
Punctuation problem
USA,
show examples
 more than one third of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 obesity because of eating too much fast
food
Use synonyms
 . In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is disappearing
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 because of fast
food
Use synonyms
 . Traditional
cuisunes
Correct your spelling
cuisines
 are often made in the round of family and relitives which makes
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 relationship with
relitives
Correct your spelling
relatives
.Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 prefer fast
food
Use synonyms
 because it is faster
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 serve and
cheeper
Correct your spelling
cheaper
,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 homemade
recipient
Use the right word
food
show examples
 is
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 because it is made of natural
ingridients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , in modern life childrens eating more
frech fries
Correct your spelling
fast food
 and burgers than their traditional cuisine . In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
people
Use synonyms
 may
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that fast
food
Use synonyms
 is good because
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 fast to serve and good for busy
live
Replace the word
lives
, it
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 more damage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health and culture. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is important and healthy for
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
 life and for family
relitons
Correct your spelling
relations

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show clearly why you fully agree.
task response
Add one or two clear examples with more detail, not only one short fact.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Start each body part with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. This will help your writing sound clearer.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion: you agree with the statement.
task response
You include two main ideas: health and loss of food culture.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like therefore, however, and for example.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • nutritional value
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart diseases
  • family mealtime traditions
  • local economies
  • carbon footprint
  • culinary skills
  • homogenization
  • globalization
  • convenient
  • accessible meals
  • traditional cuisine
  • fast-paced lifestyle
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