IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some of people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what xtent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays public
perceive
Correct subject-verb agreement
perceives
show examples
 that volunteer programmes
such
Linking Words
 as helping the neighbourhood, coaching
sport
Check wording
sports
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 for younger children
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 simply working at
charity
Correct article usage
a charity
show examples
 plan should begin already from high school. In my opinion, the idea is great
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I believe it could be reckless as well if
stricted
Correct your spelling
strict
 rules are not applied. I would like to explain to
which
Correct determiner usage
what
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 extent I agree and disagree. First of all, a volunteer
programmes
Fix the agreement mistake
programme
show examples
 is a
working free
Replace the word
work-free
 plan where the institution does not have to pay the employee
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 I believe could be very risky for the employee
itself
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves,
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 especially in
this
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case
Punctuation problem
case,
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 a
student
Use synonyms
. The good point is, it gives
Use synonyms
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 a real experience to learn, an actual problem to solve and
exactly
Wrong verb form
to
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 gain
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
 networking.
However
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, at some
point
Add a comma
point,
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 it can lead to an unfair working culture.
For example
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, a company can just take advantage of
this
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 programme by hiring a trainee for free
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes the working competition
feels
Wrong verb form
feel
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 unjust. We know some
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 tend to pay less but gain more.
Then
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, in the part of
supporting
Correct article usage
the supporting
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 neighbourhood, I believe it sounds very good idea
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 to make it real, it really needs a strict rule. As
of
Change preposition
apply
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we know, our government
who
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 is actually responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
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 care of the
environment
Punctuation problem
environment,
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 is not our duty to do that
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 of
course
Punctuation problem
course,
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good citizenship we must take part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
However
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, giving it all to the
student
Use synonyms
 is not so practical
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I agree they can help and support
but
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, but
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 the framework itself must come from the official authority of its own place
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such
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, such
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 as the
major
Use the right word
mayor
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.
Therefore
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, I agree when it comes to the benefit for the
student
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I would like to disagree when it comes to something that has no rules and clear boundaries. Not only
it can
Correct word order
can it
show examples
 create an unfair working environment
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Linking Words
also it is
Correct word order
it is also
show examples
 unjust for
Use synonyms
student itself
Check wording
students
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 to work and study. They must focus more on their
study
Check wording
studies
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 working experience.
To conclude
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, I agree to
this
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 idea as long as it gives the
student
Use synonyms
 more profit
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I would like to disagree when it becomes something unfair and unjust for job
seeker
Check wording
seekers
show examples
 out there.

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task response
Give a more clear answer in the first part. Say if you mostly agree or mostly disagree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You talk about risk, but you need more on why community service should or should not be a part of school.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. One example about a company using free workers is not enough for the whole topic.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. Now some ideas mix together, so the reader may feel lost.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some parts like 'As of we know' and 'Then, in the part of' do not sound natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make the line of thought smoother. Explain how each point leads to your final view.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You try to discuss both good and bad sides of the idea.
task response
Your view is present in the essay, even if it needs to be more direct.
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