IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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these
Fix capitalization
These
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 days
some
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, some
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people
Use synonyms
 think that
high
Correct article usage
a high
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salary
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 is important when choosing a company to
work
Use synonyms
 for,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 working
atmopshere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 is more important.
This
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 essay will discuss
oth
Correct your spelling
both
 sides and will draw my personal conclusion.
In
Change preposition
On
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 one hand,
people
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 who think high payed
job
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 is more important than the
enviorement
Correct your spelling
environment
 could be right sometimes, maybe because these employees can do their
work
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 and they don'
t
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 care about the
atomsphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 or the stress if they don'
t
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 have a great team, so they prefer to get a
hight
Correct your spelling
highly
 paid
job
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. So,
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 why some think that
hight
Correct your spelling
a high
salary
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 is
important
Rephrase
more important
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that
Use the right word
than
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 the atmosphere.
On the other hand
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,
people
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rather
Verb problem
would rather
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 have a great
enviorement
Correct your spelling
environment
 than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
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. To illustrate, some of them would like it if they have a great manager,
great
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a great
show examples
 team
and
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, and
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 they can do
there
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their
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work
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 without hating it. do what they love and will enjoy going to
work
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.
Hence
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the
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, the
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 belief that doing what you love is gonna make you do it great with high quality.
In addition
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, getting a
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paid
job
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 is wonderful
specially
Rephrase
, especially
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 these days, because some
people
Use synonyms
 won'
t
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 be able to find jobs that easily, so if they find a
job
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 with a great
salary
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 but the atmosphere isn'
t
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 that great, all they have to do is take it so they don'
t
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 miss the chance of getting it. Maybe they will get used to it and will actually like it. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of
views
Check wording
view
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, I believe that my highest priority is the vibe of the place. especially for a
job
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, something you go to every day. You have to love it and enjoy going there because you will be there more than half of your day. it
also
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 great to get
high
Correct word choice
apply
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paid
, but
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well, but
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 your mental health is more vital than getting money.
if
Fix capitalization
If
show examples
 both could occur, it would be amazing, but as I'm choosing one, I will choose it.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear at the end, but it should also be clear a little earlier.
task response
Add one simple and real example for each side. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
task response
Explain your main points more. Some ideas are good, but they stop too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some links between ideas are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In your third body paragraph, the idea repeats the first side, so the plan feels less clear.
task response
You answered the question and gave your own opinion in the conclusion.
task response
You discussed both views, not only one side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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